Building Your Circles – Aunties and Uncles

I am an old soul. While I know this is because of my personality, my life experiences and being the eldest of my siblings have amplified this. From the time I was a teenager, I generally found myself gravitating toward people who were older than me, forming connections with them while oftentimes finding those my age a little superficial. When I joined the youth group at my church, at the age of thirteen, I remember some of the first people I clicked with being older than I was, some of whom are still good friends even today. As we continue building our circles I am reminded I read somewhere that a circle represents strength, protection and equality. For us to have strength, protection and equality in our social circles, we cannot surround ourselves with only peers, similar in age, experiences and thinking. For us to build solid circles, we need to include those who, though do not make us feel less than others, are far ahead of us in life experience and even in their walk with the Lord. I’m talking about those people who, as Africans, we refer to with endearment as auntie or uncle so and so because though they are such dear friends, they are old enough to be our parents.

While it is easier and equally beneficial, to have friends closer in age who are farther along life’s journey than we are, we should normalise interacting with people much older and wiser. Let’s become purposeful about surrounding ourselves with different types of friends who can add value to our lives in different ways. We must be keen about our growth in life and with the Lord, seeking after His Kingdom even in the friends whose company we keep. So yes, include in your circle the friends who have been married a little longer than you have, the friends who are parents of young children while you are not a parent yet, or perhaps the friends who have been in business or in a certain career longer than you have. Then to this, add the friends who have raised the children and now have empty nests, the friends who have been married longer than you have been alive, the ones whose careers and faith have been tried and tested in ways you need to be sitting down to hear. We need those friends in our circles too.

“Your duty is to teach them to embrace a lifestyle that is consistent with sound doctrine. Lead the male elders into disciplined lives full of dignity and self-control. Urge them to have solid faith, generous love, and patient endurance. Likewise, with the female elders, lead them into lives free from gossip and drunkenness and to be teachers of beautiful things. This will enable them to teach the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, and to be self-controlled and pure, taking care of their household and being devoted to their husbands. By doing these things the word of God will not be discredited. Likewise, guide the younger men into living disciplined lives for Christ.” ~Titus 2:1-6

This passage is clear that the male elders in the body of Christ are to embrace a lifestyle consistent with sound doctrine positioning them to guide the younger men into living disciplined lives for Christ. In the same way, the female elders are to live free of gossip and drunkenness poised to teach the younger women the beautiful things of being a woman in Christ. There is supposed to be friendship between older and younger men and also between older and younger women. While we learn a lot from our parents, they cannot teach us everything we need to be well-rounded. Yes, I know such treasures of relationships are rare to come by, which is why these instructions are in the Bible because the people needed to be reminded. If we open our hearts and minds to the idea, and bring it before the Lord, we will soon receive what we have opened up to. Don’t be afraid of rejection, understand that if representatives of the previous generation who are within your vicinity have character consistent with godliness, they will be looking for younger people with whom they can share friendships and pour into as well.

As you explore this concept of filling your circle with older friends, you may wonder what you will have in common to share. I challenge you to be open, you will be surprised how vast and deep the potential relationship between the young and the not-so-young can go. Think about sharing in friendship in these ways.

Prayer. Nothing builds intimacy and friendship faster than praying together and for one another. Not only will this increase your faith as you walk with the Lord, but you will learn from one another different ways in which to trust God. As you pray for one another or share in Bible study, the Lord will begin to knit your hearts together and a true friendship will form.

Stories. Simply share your life stories. While your contexts may be different, you will find similarities along the way. The human experience is similar, this is why we can read stories from the Bible and identify with them based on similarities in our own lives today. Sharing your personal stories and listening to theirs will help the friendship grow.

Advice. While it’s easy to assume that in such a relationship advice will only be flowing from the older and much wiser friend to the younger, the truth is that friends in such relationships will find themselves advising each other similarly. The younger friend may seek advice about how best to navigate challenges their older friend has previously navigated successfully while the older may seek advice on how to navigate new problems brought on by a change in culture or even how best they can relate with their adult children. Seeking and receiving advice will allow the friendship to be more practical and relevant.

Milestones and laughter. Laughter is good medicine and sharing milestones like birthdays, weddings and anniversaries where laughter is present is what makes the stuff of life. Just like any friendship, the more you share in these things, the closer you will become and the more practical your friendship will be.

If you are older and you are reading this, think and pray about who God can bring into your life as a young friend, so that you can share your life in these ways. I am reminded of some of the lyrics to the song ‘City on a Hill’ by Casting Crowns which says, “It is the fire of the young ones, it is the wisdom of the old…” Balancing our circles across generations shines our light brighter and glorifies God.

I hope this has encouraged you to be a little more open as you bring people into your circle. Remember to use the Bible as a standard for whoever you allow into your inner circle. I pray that your life takes on a much fuller form as it is enriched with the different people God will gift to you as friends.