As I have been thinking and writing about circles and cabinets, I recently asked my husband Ceaser who is in his cabinet. His response was, “All I need is you, Babe.” While this sounds cute and also while I know it isn’t true, because he does have a cabinet, it got me thinking about people who live their lives with that being their motto. I have my person and they are all I need, my one and only. This is a dangerous way to live life because no one person can ever meet all the needs we have, and also because the person on whom we place that unbearable burden, is fallible.
As we conclude this circle-building conversation, I would like to examine the dangers of enclosing oneself in a circle of a one and only. I have thought of three scenarios in which we can successfully build a circle but not have it give us a well-rounded expression in life at all because it is founded on just one person.
One and only you. The first is the circle of you. In this scenario, you are your one and only. Perhaps because it turned out badly when you have tried to surround yourself with people in the past leaving you suspicious and distrusting of others. I don’t think there is any human being who has walked the face of this earth and not experienced hurt and betrayal from those they thought they could trust. While the normal response is for us to shrink back from ever reaching out again, I hope that the past few weeks have lit a fire in you to do just that, try again. More than just resolving to try again, I encourage you to do so armed with the wisdom of God’s Word in one hand and prayer in the other. There is a standard in God’s Word, which if employed, will help us sieve out the wrong people. I know it’s easy to trust yourself, but you need more than just yourself to live a full life. Get with God, share your past hurts, allow Him to heal you and then ask Him to help you step outside yourself again.
One and only spouse. I’m picking on the married people now, but I get to do that because I’m married too. If you are married, your spouse definitely should be one of the key players in your circle and your cabinet as we have talked about in the past few weeks. That’s not the issue, the issue is when your spouse becomes the only player in your circle. If you are blessed enough to have married your best friend, who cheers you on, advises you and stretches you to be better, there is a natural temptation to build your circle around just them. After all, what else could you possibly need right? Wrong. Our spouses and the relationship of marriage were never designed to fulfil all the needs we have. When we place a demand such as this on our spouse we are setting them up for failure and setting ourselves up for disappointment. There will certainly come a time when we need to be filled, refreshed, challenged and corrected by someone outside of the oneness of marriage. God wants to bring fullness to our circles but we need to open up to His plan, in wisdom. This may be another couple who can share life with us, a group of friends from a small group or a close friend that each spouse has. If you find yourself in this boat, I encourage you to pray and ask God to show up and show off in this area for you and your spouse. You’ll be amazed how willing He is to do just that.
One and only best friend. This applies whether you are married or single but I think it is easier for a single person to fall into this trap. This is how the story goes… God blessed you with a friend, you clicked and they became your confidant, advisor and prayer partner. The thing is, they are your only friend. This friend may even be your sibling or cousin. The two of you are thick as thieves, so tight that you have developed a shorthand over the years and can often finish each other’s sentences. While there is nothing inherently wrong with having one very close friend, it becomes a problem when we find ourselves becoming possessive over the friendship. No one else can or should be their friend except us and Lord forbid someone else tries to join the friend group. Again, no one person can ever fulfil all the needs we have and placing that demand on one friend is dysfunctional at best. You need to understand that the relationship you share with your best friend is a gift from God and He may want to use it to bless others by including them in the beautiful relationship you have formed. Don’t keep that circle closed off to others God may be sending your way. Instead, loosen the grips a little and allow God to make the circle bigger.
I am reminded of the song Jesus at the Center by Israel Houghton and New Breed. As we build our circles, we must be careful to remember that the only one who deserves to be at the centre of those circles is Christ. He is the one who blessed us with our spouses and our friends, so imagine how wrong it would be for us to let those gifts He gave us take the place in our lives which should be reserved only for Him.
“For everything comes from Him and exists by His power and is intended for His glory. All glory to Him forever! Amen.” ~ Romans 11:26 (NLT)
Jesus is the only one who can fulfil our every need and He has chosen to do that in various ways, one of which is by using His people in our lives. We were designed to be enriched through multiple springs that all point back to Him. So, I encourage you to take this need for genuine and intimate connections to Him, trust His hands with your circle and allow Him to bring a healthy balance to your relationships as He sees fit.
Comments
This is so much needed. A must read!
So happy is blessed you.
Beautiful
Thank you Naomi. God bless
The truth in this!!! My prayer is God to raise friends who will be a part of my cabinet but also to work on me that I may be worth of a noble calling to be a part of someone’s cabinet