The Pressure of Potential

I am the inaugural thread in my mother’s beautiful family motif, the firstborn of three. From the very start, an unspoken expectation surrounded me like a gentle but persistent haze… The pressure to lead by example. It was a responsibility that subtly infiltrated my upbringing, shaping, not only my actions but also, my perception of self. As the elder sibling, the burden of setting the precedent loomed large and loud. The weight of this unspoken duty, coupled with my inherent personality, compelled me toward perfectionist tendencies. Every step I took, every decision I made, seemed to be under scrutiny, not just by those around me, but by the demanding internal critic within. The quest for perfection became a relentless pursuit, a marathon with no finish line. The fear of falling short and disappointing those who looked up to me became a driving force that left little room for self-compassion. The expectations, whether real or perceived, were a heavy mantle that sometimes threatened the very essence of who I was… human.

Today, as I look at my role, a huge part of who I am, as Naima’s firstborn, I recognise that this pressure, initially perceived as a burden, held the potential for purpose. It was not a misplaced weight but a shaping force, moulding me into someone capable of resilience and leadership. I discovered that the expectations weren’t meant to stifle my individuality, instead, they were guideposts urging me to navigate life with intention and responsibility. It is within these experiences that I learned to discern between constructive guidance and the unrealistic pursuit of flawlessness. As an adult, embracing imperfections became a liberating act, a rebellion against the self-imposed rigidity that had confined me for so long. My journey towards self-discovery has become an exploration of authenticity, where the true essence of leadership isn’t about flawless execution but learning, adapting, and inspiring others to do the same. The pressure to lead by example, once a source of anxiety, has transformed into a source of empowerment. It has become a beacon, guiding me to recognise the significance of and beauty in embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities. This realisation has not only alleviated the weight that once pressed heavily on my shoulders but has also allowed me to forge meaningful connections with my siblings who have become the fuel, rather than the pressure, of my potential.

 “Let them both grow together until the harvest. At that time, I’ll tell my harvesters to gather the weeds first and tie them all in bundles to be burned. Then they will harvest the wheat and put it into my barn.” ~ Matthew 13:30 (TPT)

“So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.” ~ Galatians 6:9

Sometimes being in front and having others behind you, means that you hardly ever stop to look back at what God has allowed you to accomplish. In my case, if I wasn’t doing it at all, I wasn’t doing it often enough. Being first becomes almost common and overrated, a drag rather than a gift. I see this being the case for the first month of the year, good old January. Rather than starting the year like we usually do, with a love-hate relationship with January, I propose we engage with her as an opportunity to look back and give God praise for all He has forged through you. In this blog, I invite you to join me in a reflective journey from feeling burdened by expectations to understanding the purpose within the pressure. With the looming weight often hidden in January, I hope my encouragement can cultivate some excitement about what lies ahead, however daunting it may seem.

You are probably already being inundated with the dos and don’ts for a successful year. I‘m afraid I might add to the list; however, my list will hopefully give you more wiggle room as you navigate all the other lists. All-in-all, I believe this year will be one of self-discovery, resilience, and the realisation that a New Year, at its core, is an opportunity to forge through the pressure towards the potential that lies ahead. Let’s go!

Don’t be afraid of starting with nothing

Anything that God gives you to start with, starts at nothing. A new year begins in a split second and when we look around us, nothing has changed between 23:59 on New Year’s Eve and 24:00 on New Year’s Day. But what God is expecting to accomplish through you is right there, in the space of that ‘nothing.’ When God formed me in the secret place, He placed everything I would need to be a firstborn. I was a firstborn before I was born and for the first five years of my life, I was a firstborn with no siblings and no sign of any coming along. He knew. He knew what I would need, and He intentionally placed it in me ahead of time. Even when there was ‘nothing’ to call out that firstborn in me, I was still a firstborn.

What is your nothing? As you look down the track of this New Year, what ‘nothing’ is staring back at you? We often become nervous in empty spaces. We feel too exposed, too vulnerable. This is why most people are uncomfortable in silence. That nothing freaks them out too much. While the year may already be full of demands, requirements, goals, plans, and everything in between, you may be staring at those things and it is ever so clear that you have nothing, in and of yourself, to match those demands. Don’t be afraid to start with nothing. Let the nothing you have be what drives you to the feet of your Father. Climb into His lap and express your lack and need for Him. He has and always will do His best work with our ‘nothing.’

Whatever you do, just don’t die

When I’m about to workout I often tell myself this, “Girl, do what you gotta do, but whatever you do, just don’t die.” Even when it’s hard, do what you’ve gotta do to get through…just don’t die. I wish I had known the value of this truth back when I was a pre-teen and resenting my birth order. Today I recognise that my drive to perfectionism was my way of surviving and even though it has cultivated many negative attributes that I am still working through today, I believe it is a huge part of what makes me who I am and why the Lord has entrusted many of the things He has to me. We keep pushing during a workout because we know the benefits will be worth it. Keep pushing my friend, the potential within 2024 will be worth it. Regarding my birth order, the joy has been becoming legitimate friends with my siblings. With my brother who is nineteen now, it is still very much in the making and I recognise that the next few years of our relationship are crucial. I’m in a similar, yet less advanced, stage with my children. I’m just trying not to die so I can get to the point where I see the fruit of the pressure of parenting.

When you’re so determined not to give up, the Holy Spirit gives you the creativity to stay ‘alive.’ The decision not to quit breeds creativity to keep pushing. So, do what you gotta do this year, but whatever you do, just don’t give up.

Don’t be afraid to break some rules

Sometimes it takes a few broken rules to get everything that God has for you. By rules I mean cultural norms, familial trends or rules of engagement in your world. Yes, sometimes what goes against the grain is exactly what God is calling you to do. Don’t let the status quo keep you from pushing forward. Sometimes we get so bogged down by the how that we lose sight of what God is doing. Just because it doesn’t make total sense to you, doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Don’t let the ‘rules’ of your past or present circumstances and limitations stop you. You and I have never experienced 2024 before and there will be many things down the track of this year that will require some innovation to the rules that we followed in years gone by. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide and be brave enough to step out into the unfamiliar and create a few ‘new’ rules for the new year.

Don’t lose your excitement

Being the first can sometimes be hard, but there’s no denying that it’s exciting. I know my mother will tell you that her first pregnancy and the toddler years of her first child (me), hit differently. There is a reason the Lord gives us a fresh burst of excitement at the top of a new year. He hopes that it fuels a fire within you that you can keep burning in the coming months. Losing your excitement is a s sign that your expectations of the purpose are amiss. What are your expectations of your purpose for 2024? Do you even have any? Excitement is what gets us through the pressure. Excitement is what keeps us digging through the potential to get to the promise. There is a promise for you deep within the potential of 2024, but you gotta do some digging, some pushing and some fighting to get to it. If you’re not excited, you will lose heart along the way. The Bible says that for the joy that was set before Him, Jesus endured the cross. He was excited about the potential of His purpose here on earth. That excitement fueled Him through the pain and pressure of the cross. Hold on to your excitement. If it’s not there, to begin with, get with God so that He can help you find it again.

Being able to be here and experience 2024 is such a privilege. I look forward to the amazing things God is going to do in and through my siblings and me. I know they look to me to set the tone and I take that on with honor and commitment. My prayer for you is that the Lord will show you His perspective as it pertains to the potential hidden within this new year. I pray that you forge ahead without fear of starting with nothing or with no one. Whatever comes your way, I pray that you are strengthened and fortified to not give up. Allow the Holy Spirit to give you a new set of rules as you go and hold on to your excitement for dear life.

Happy New Year!