T’s and C’s Apply – Giant Killer

I was recently looking for an important document I had placed safely in a folder I keep for all important documents. Why wasn’t it in there? My amazing husband, Ceaser decided to shift some things around and then couldn’t find it when we needed it. Anyway, that’s a story for another day. As I searched for this document, I came across my very first employment contract. After the dust settled with this ‘lost’ document we needed, I took some time to allow my mind to drift down memory lane. The year was 2009, I was eighteen years old and other than working in my mother’s business, this document was proof that I was hirable. I remember being congratulated by a co-worker in the first staff meeting I attended and I didn’t get what the big deal was about. I smiled, said thank you and wondered, “Do people get congratulated when they get their first job?” In hindsight, I see how much I still had to learn. As I held this fifteen-year-old document, I realised that it must have meant something for me to keep it and indeed it did. When it was given to me, my supervisor’s supervisor took the time to run me through each section and what it meant. I’m so grateful she did because your girl didn’t even know people get congratulated when they get jobs! What else didn’t I know? She asked if I had any questions about every section she read and explained. I didn’t. I honestly didn’t know what I didn’t know. Her explanations were clear and I was determined to do my best at the job. Looking back, I did do a good job, and there was a lot she didn’t explain, despite her best efforts.

Isn’t this the case in our relationship with God? He’ll tell us what we need to know for that moment and maybe, if we’re lucky, we might get a few extra steps ahead of time. But then that’s it! The rest is implied in the fine print of our trust relationship with Him. My first employment contract didn’t have any fine print, but the agreement I was making with Him as I signed that contract did. See, no matter how thorough my supervisor’s supervisor had been, and she was extremely thorough, she could not have known to explain to me how God intended to work in me as I worked that job. I was told what my working hours would be but I could never have been told how I would fall completely in love with every hour I spent on that job. I was told what my salary would be and what it would wind up being after deductions, but I could never have been told that I would meet the most amazing people and that nothing could diminish the relationship skills I would build while on that job. I was told when my lunch break would be and how many leave days I would acquire every month, but I could never have been told that most days I would have to be peeled off my seat during lunch and that leaving that job when the time came, would be one of the hardest things I’d ever have to do. I was told when my contract would come to an end and what the requirements were if I chose to end it before then, but I could never have been told that the team members I would work in the trenches with would become my family and that even after that season was up, some of them would be my absolute lifers. I was told what the organisation would do for me in the case of my untimely death, but I could never have been told that I would impact thousands of lives while on that job and that I’d only see the extent of my work when I see my Master face-to-face. No, no one could have possibly known to tell me any of that, but God knew. He knew what His T’s and C’s were and how He would help me navigate them as the fine print became more plain. In every season, for every person, best believe, those T’s and C’s in His fine print are inevitable. Interesting what an old contract can stir up.

Praise the LORD, who is my Rock. He trains my hands for war and gives my fingers skill for battle. ~ Psalm 144:1 (NLT)

“You are My battle-axe and sword,” says the LORD. “With you, I will shatter nations and destroy many kingdoms. With you I will shatter armies, destroying the horse and rider, the chariot and charioteer…” ~ Jeremiah 51:20-21 (NLT)

It’s been a few weeks since I last blogged. I’ve had so many moving parts clamouring for my full attention. I’m finally in a space where I can take a deep breath and exhale a little of what I’ve been musing on since I last shared. Am I still weary? Yes. Not so much because of my busy schedule, but because of the heavy weight of what I believe is purpose for this year. Does it still bare down heavily on my shoulders? Yes. Do I still hear death threats whispered by my past failures when I wind down at night? Yes, and I honestly don’t think they’ll ever stop. Do I still have faith in my victorious God? You bet I do! That’s what I want to talk about today. What do we do when the initial shock of what we signed up for wears off? When the initial shock of the new job, the new marriage, the new baby, the new business or the new friendship wears off, what’s the next move? The adrenaline rush of ‘new’ always wears off and then we have to dig deeper to find the resolve to keep going. My fellow warriors, fellow giant-killers, as we process the fine print we didn’t bother to ask about or didn’t fully understand, how can we keep going until we see victory instead of chunking deuces? What are some of the things in the fine print we need to face head-on, and how do we not just make the most of it but the best, His best, out of it?

Be ready for voices of inadequacy and inability

All children of God who are set on following His purpose for their lives will have giants to kill. Anything that shows up in your life that feels bigger than you is a giant. God uses every encounter we have with these giants to shape us into the warriors He purposed for us to be. Warriors He can use to shatter and destroy the kingdom of darkness. Compromise is choosing to co-exist with these giants while the T’s and C’s of purpose demand that we stay intent on hearing those things fall to the ground in death. I don’t know about you but one of the biggest hurdles I must contend with each time I have a giant to kill is feeling inadequate and unable to do the thing. This isn’t mere fear of the giant. No, my problem is never so much fear of the giant itself but the fear of failure to take it out. I think I’ve made peace with the fact that fear is normal and makes me human. Fear when we initially see our giant is an indication that the thing is big, scary and intimidating. It’s a giant after all! I’ve recognised over the years that while the enemy sends the giant to deter or distract me, God uses that very giant to develop me, training my hands, mind and heart in the skill of war, one giant at a time. Despite this knowledge, I still hear those voices that are hellbent on reminding me that I don’t deserve what’s on the other side of the giant and that it’s in my best interest to just walk away. What’s funny is that they’re right, I don’t deserve anything that my Heavenly Father has graciously, lovingly and intentionally stored up for me. I get to enjoy it, walk in it and testify about it. It’s my privilege as one who belongs to Him and if you’re called by His name and sealed by His Spirit, it’s your great privilege too.

These voices are relentless though. Even if we get good at turning their volume down in our heads, they come from some of the most unlikeliest of places. Often, from people closest to us. The thing is, people who are not on fire for their purpose don’t play well when they see those who are. I don’t think it’s because they want to hurt us or put us down, I believe it’s because we are a niggling reminder that they settled and often on some subconscious level they don’t want us to leave them behind. So, what do we do when these voices of inadequacy and inability are screaming loud and it feels easier to believe them, pack up and go back to what’s comfortable? We reinforce the truth and rehearse it over and over until our hearts are convinced of it. “We were never supposed to be qualified, adequate or able.” Yes, this is why we attribute our purpose to the grace, love and mercy of God. God wants us to work through these voices until we can say to ourselves what He says about us. I know it’s difficult to remember at the moment, but the fact that the voices are getting louder and coming from all sides is evidence that purpose is calling. Like most things a disciple of Jesus must do, we must learn to counter these voices with truth and let that become our lifestyle. For me, the lifestyle has become a pattern of going to Him in my fear and feelings and saying, “Lord, I’m scared.” And allowing Him to speak truth over me and strengthen me. It’s in this that we are becoming giant killers.

Understand that bigger giants await

Let me start by saying that God will never allow you to face a giant that is beyond you. Whatever giants you’re facing today, I encourage you to let that truth wash over you. See yourself correctly. On the flip side, the more we grow and continue to do that becoming, the bigger our giants get. The last time I complained about the size of a giant to God, He said this to me, “Stop wasting time sizing the giant up. All you need to know is that it’s a giant and if it’s a giant, you kill it!” What I will say for the days when sizing it up feels good, because yes, we all have those days when listing all the cons is all we can do, right? On those days, when you’re done doing all that, remember your past victories too. Like I said, see yourself correctly. You’ve killed giants in the past. You may think they were smaller or whatever, but the truth remains, that you’re getting good at this. Those kills weren’t a flook. You, empowered by God, did that! Don’t fall for the trap of downplaying your former victories. You are stronger for them! Own it!

Many times when we’re down, we look externally for that encouragement but sometimes it won’t come. Don’t look for other people to remind you of your past victories. Most times, they’re busy trying to kill their own giants. The worst case scenario is that they see all that you are and they’re hoping you don’t get a revelation of your identity because it serves their agenda for you to think and stay small. Rather than letting others project onto us, let’s go to God and allow Him to project onto us. Remember how far He has brought you and use that to build your faith for the future because yes, the giants do get bigger as you become stronger.

Beware of the possibility of loss

Losing isn’t fun. It’s not fun in any case but I think it’s more unsettling when you’ve been conditioned to believe that loss, failure or mistakes of any kind are to be avoided at all costs. As an educator I try my hardest to instill in my team and the children I have the privilege of shaping that failure is simply a lesson. Loss is simply an opportunity to regroup and come back stronger. Internalising this is easier said than done. I know how paralysing the possibility of loss or the memory of previous loss can be.

God has always spoken to me with pictures. I’m a visual person so this only makes sense. I know if I can get a picture of what winning looks like before I start the fight, I have a higher chance of winning. Another trip down memory lane… When the wedding dress I had ordered online arrived, a few months before my wedding day, I would have moments when my heart just wanted to try it on. Back then I’ll be honest, I didn’t see my Wedding Day as a giant but in hindsight, I can see very clearly that it was. I think my heart knew and it needed a regular visual of me in that dress. You must understand, I’m not that girl who played dress up as a kid or spent time practising wearing make-up in the mirror. Looking at my reflection in the mirror isn’t even something I do a lot, another story for another day. Yet, every so often, when the house was quiet, I would go to my mother’s bathroom where I could see myself in that dress through her extra large mirror. On my Wedding Day, I remember silently leaving the rest of the ladies who were getting their hair and make-up done, going into the bathroom and getting dressed. When I came out, everyone stopped and my matron asked, “Why didn’t you ask for help?!” Another thing I didn’t know to do, right? In all honesty, I think I needed to be alone. I needed to stare at that girl one more time to lock in the visual of that giant killer. I say all this to say, that when you’re haunted by the possibility of losing the battle with your giant, envision yourself winning. Get a picture locked into your mind of what it will look like for you to take that giant down and meditate on that when you’re overwhelmed by the possibility of loss.

Listen, whether you knew about the fine print that came along with your purpose or not, whether your giants are internal, external or both, whether you have intimidating voices on all sides or not, whether the giant you’re looking at looks twice the size of the last one you faced or not and whether you fear the possibility of loss or are haunted by a previous devastating loss, that fact remains… If you want to live a life of purpose, you’re going to have to become a giant killer, and as a giant killer, for as long as what’s in front of you is a giant, you run up on that thing and take it out. Do it with the might of the Holy Spirit and own who God has called you to be. It doesn’t matter if the giant takes a day or a year to die, you must and will kill it. Don’t quit before you’ve won and recognise that the confidence that will sustain you can only come from the overflow of a close relationship with God. Allow Him to remind you who you are in Him. He put giant killing in our DNA, so let’s go kill some giants for His glory.