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Best Served Hot – Set Ups

HomeGrowing in marriageBest Served Hot – Set Ups

Ceaser is my husband, my friend, my lover, my heart’s joy and my confidant. He is the colour of my black-and-white life, my biggest cheerleader and my laugh-ot-loud-buddy. He is my business partner, my executive producer and the amazing co-builder of our family together. His eyes are kind and his hands are strong. He is gentle and full of passion and curiosity. He challenges me to be better, he makes me laugh and prays over me. He is the one I dream with, the one I love with and the one I fight with. He is the partner I have needed every single day as I have grown and evolved. I experience God’s kindness towards me as I wake up every day amazed at the life of adventure I have with him. If I had been asked, fifteen years ago, what my ideal life would look like, I would not have known to say what I have now. God has shown such attention to the details of me by giving me this spouse I like to call my spice. He is my baby daddy, my sweet-tooth partner and my compass.

I am sure many look in on us from the outside and assume one of two things; that we are either making this stuff up or that we are without issues. Both of those couldn’t be farther away from the truth. Marriage is hard. I always say that marriage is not for kids, and I mean it with every fibre of my being. Ceaser has given me the grace to grow up in the safety of our marriage, and I believe that I have afforded him the same grace. No marriage, no home, and no love story is without issue. In fact, what makes the story even better, is how God gives grace for those issues to be overcome. How forgiveness is practised, and how repentance and growth are demanded daily. My love story has not been any different. We have both had many opportunities to throw the towel in, to become complacent and to harbour resentment. We have also committed to keep showing up for one another on both the good days and the bad days. Showing up looks different, depending on the day and it has required us to dig deeper than we ever thought we could.

For me, the Holy Spirit and His wisdom and guidance have been integral to my wife-ing. Many days my flesh wants to take the driver’s seat and many days I am too tired to do otherwise, yet God in His mercy, keeps showing up to teach me how to best love my husband. A few months ago, He asked me to start calling Ceaser, “My love.” It sounded so silly at first, but I obeyed… only in text messages. Every time I would send him a message or respond to one of his messages I would have to purposefully add “my love.” After many weeks of doing this, it became natural, more organic and less awkward. The next step was to let those words come out of my mouth. I have always called Ceaser ‘Babe’ or ‘My Ceaser,’ so this new title felt odd. Very odd. Many times I would almost say it and then shy away from letting the words escape my lips. “Holy Spirit, what is this all about?” He has yet to answer me, but I am happy to report that I am getting better with this instruction. I think I can assume that this daily, multiple times a day, uttering or writing of these two words – “my” and “love” have and will continue to serve as a reminder on those bad days I already mentioned. You know, those days when the issues are not as thin as tissues. Those days when it is taking all my physical energy not to lash out but to show grace, the same grace and mercy I am are shown daily. Yeah, I’m pretty sure calling this wonderful, complex, beautiful and sometimes annoying man “my love,” every day, is a strategic setup for our future together and I can’t help but feel giddy and excited.

“There will be such an increase in the sin of lawlessness that those whose hearts once burned with passion for God and others will grow cold. But hold your hope firmly to the end and you will experience life and deliverance.” ~ Matthew 24:12-13 (TPT)

“But if I say I’ll never mention the LORD or speak in His name, His word burns in my heart like a fire. It’s like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can’t do it!” ~ Jeremiah 20:9 (NLT)

I’m often amused by how quickly people can fall out of love, especially in the many movies and shows I watch. They make it seem like love is a switch that can flip back or forth in an instant. No, love growing cold happens over time. One decision at a time, one cold shoulder at a time, one sharp word at a time or one misunderstanding at a time. Inch by inch until you look up and realise you are so far away from where you started or hoped to be. I have heard it said that those who think divorce can never happen to them, are the ones who are at risk of becoming complacent enough for it to be a possibility. There is not much difference between them and you. They just had one too many (fill in the blank). Today I want to share my heart about how we can be more vigilant about staying hot in our relationship with God. Falling in love and being loved are beautiful things, yet we often forget that they are a reflection, and a small fraction, of the love God has for us. I hope to challenge you to be more purposeful with those you love, and also with the Lover of Your Soul.

Write it down

There is power in writing things down. I think this is why love letters are a thing. I have heard people say that the Bible is God’s love letter to us and, to a degree, I believe this to be true. I also believe that God is more romantic than a lover who writes one love letter for all time. This is why having a journal with you as you devote some quiet to God is important. Why? Because you can write down what He whispers to you. Any love story worth its salt will have several written expressions of love. These days text messages are big, and I use them a lot too, but anyone who knows me well knows that I value hard-copy paper best, and so I treasure the notes and cards Ceaser has written to me over the years. Many times God will have more to say to you about how His Word applies specifically to you, writing those things down keeps our love for Him burning. We can look back on past journals and see how God has said some amazing things to us, given us promises he has fulfilled and even told us things to come. If you have a legitimate loving relationship with God and that love has never inspired some words to be written down, then I would argue that perhaps you have not fully experienced or valued His love for you.

Make the time

Any thriving couple will tell you that one of their secrets to staying in love is spending time together — quality, uninterrupted time. I know this to be true in my relationships, especially my relationship with Ceaser. If your love is hot for God and you intend to keep it that way, you will be compelled to make time to spend with Him. Now, this typically has the potential to become religious which sucks all the romance out. My suggestion is, to stay committed to a specific time, but allow this to ebb and flow as life ebbs and flows. What do I mean by this? God can give you a wonderful time in His presence when you carve out a specific time to spend with Him, and as seasons in your life change, He can still show you that wonderful time as you drive to work, go for a run or breastfeed your baby. The goal is to stay consistently committed to your relationship, not to become religious. Making the time will keep our hearts hot towards God.

Say the words

My brother Jameel had this habit of calling out to me, mum, dad or my sister, multiple times a day, just to say, ‘I love you.” Sometimes he would do this several times an hour, as he played or watched television. My favourite ones were always the ones where I was in another room and he would call out to me very loudly, as if needing something, and then respond to my answer to his call with, “I love you.” He has grown out of this a little bit, yet has stayed very vocal about his love for all of us. Believe it or not, a whole generation later, a little boy named Caleb LeeRoy, who was never around to hear his uncle do this, has carried the mantle. I can’t help but think of my brother and the power of DNA, whenever I am called from the other room, just so my son can tell me that he loves me. Do you tell the Lord how much you love Him? He has told you and shown you that He loves you with everlasting love. What is your response to that? I always cringe when I watch a movie where one character professes their love to another only to be hit back with, “Thanks.” Do you do that in response to God’s outlandish expressions of love for you? Even if it feels strange at first, get comfortable with saying the words out loud to your God. The more you do, the easier it will be for you to lace your words to others with love. If those closest to you have never heard you say the words, “I love you,” to them, I think it’s time to change that. I saw this meme once that said, “Get comfortable with telling your friends you love them. Say it until it gets weird.” Saying the words will keep our love for God hot, so let’s do that, shall we?

Keep building the fire

Every love story is an ever-evolving journey and our love with God is no different. It must grow as it gets better and better. There is something significant about doing something every day to place value on your relationships, even your relationship with God. Seeing the coals stacking up is a visual reminder that our love is real, tangible and alive. You may often ask God what practical things you can do to build your love with significant people in your life, and that’s great, yet do we ask Him what practical things we can do to invest in our love with Him? If you are like me, you often forget this one. Adding coals to the love story keeps our hearts from growing cold. No matter how small the action may be, it counts and it makes the flame burn longer and brighter.

Surround yourself with hot people

Some of you are hot, but your tribe, the people in your circle, are lukewarm or cold. Now, I am not saying that we cannot have people close to us who are not on fire for God. What I am saying is that you need to evaluate your closest circle and see if these people are helping you generate more heat in your love for God, or if they are cooling you down. This may mean that you need to learn how to be content with having a small circle. I saw someone post this on social media: “Normalise using words like; colleague, classmate, acquaintance, old school mate, neighbour, client. Not everyone is your FRIEND.” Isn’t this true? You may have a lot of acquaintances, but not all of them should be in your inner circle. Surround yourself with hot people. People who can help stoke your flames when you are down and can tell you when your coals are running low and need to be replenished.

Keeping our love for God burning is not something that will happen automatically or by accident. It will take effort, honesty, sacrifice and persistence. Just like any relationship we value, our relationship with God requires written affirmations, quality time, verbal affirmations, practical investments done regularly and trusted people who can affirm and cheer that love on. My heartfelt prayer for you is that your love for God continues to grow and mature. That you may experience His love for you and that your response to His love will life life-changing.

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    Comments

  1. Mufulo
    October 9, 2023

    Very insightful piece. Thank you very much for this timely reminder. Stay blessed.

    Reply
    • October 9, 2023

      Thank you for reading and for your feedback Mufulo. God bless.

      Reply
  2. MODERN SILUNYANGE
    October 10, 2023

    This is very encouraging 🙏🏾

    Reply
    • October 10, 2023

      Thanks for reading Modern. God bless

      Reply

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