Building Your Circle – Framily

Have you ever heard of the word framily? No, I didn’t just break the English, it’s a real word, framily, which means a group of friends who are close like a family. When I first came across this word I was so excited and then for a second, I was low-key upset that I hadn’t come up with it myself. As we continue talking about building our circle, and the friends we keep, I cannot go on without talking about those friends who just wind up becoming family. Those friends and other family members know, the ones who can open the fridge freely when they come to your house, the ones who come to visit and then even take a nap in the middle of the visit. Those are framily.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. ~ Proverbs 17:17 (ESV)

Let me keep it one hundred and confess that I used to think this verse was a contrast between friends and brothers. I always thought there was a ‘but’ in the verse and not an ‘and.’ The things the Holy Spirit will show you when you take the time to read His Word for yourself and ask questions. Now that I know there is a connection between these two big and equally important ideas, I want to unpack what I believe this verse means. I think there are two possible meanings to this verse; the first is that in our lives we will have friends who will love us and stay loyal to us at all times and we will also have brothers, sisters and other relatives who because of the blood relationship, will always be there for us in difficult times. While this represents the ideal scenario, I am very aware that this isn’t always the case when it comes to some of our family relationships. I think this is why God gives us those loyal friends, to make up the difference where we have gaps. The second thing I think this verse means is exactly what we are talking about today, framily. A friend who loves at all times, even in adversity, becomes a brother because they stuck with us.

The truth is, we never really know who our true friends are until we go through some adversity. Can they stick with us in all seasons? In school, we would hear the phrase, ‘all-weather friend.’ Shallow friends will be around when it’s summer, but the minute winter hits, they’re gone. They are not all-weather friends. This is why we should take great care when building our circle and make sure that our friendships are built on the right foundation. If we have a wise, trustworthy friend who loves the Lord and genuinely wants what is best for us, when adversity comes, chances are we will still be side by side. These are the friends who see God take us from one level of glory to the next and they get excited when we share our testimony because they were right there when we were going through everything it took to reach where we are now. Framily.

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ~ Proverbs 18:24

Having the type of friends we are talking about here, doesn’t happen by accident and it certainly doesn’t happen overnight. The Bible gives us some insight as to how we can foster such relationships by showing ourselves friendly. We can’t reap what we don’t sow and we can’t expect friends in our circle to be there for us in ways we are not prepared to be there for them. Sooner or later the scales will be unbalanced and the relationship will suffer. While the goal of friendship is never a tit-for-tat match, doing everything one friend does for the other, there should be security for all involved that whatever life may bring, we will be side by side. Remember that friends are God’s gift to advance His purpose. If you are God’s gift to someone, ask yourself how you can be of service in whatever way lies within your power. In short, make yourself of use by God to those with whom you are friends.

Another translation of the same verse reads as follows:

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. ~ Proverbs 18:24 (ESV)

Not to say that one cannot have many friends. The truth is if you are looking for deep and authentic relationships, you will find that you can only have a very tight and limited circle. I’m talking about the type of relationships where the real you is known, where you can be vulnerable and in turn nurture the vulnerability of the other person. Having that with many people would either be disingenuous or downright draining.

Let me explain, cultivating deep and authentic friendships that give birth to family relationships take work, time, investment and even some hurt. Can you imagine going through that with several people? You can’t live a full life and be committed to investing in friendships with too many people. In the same way, you would be overburdened and stretched too thin if you had to carry the load of showing yourself friendly to too many people.

Let’s look at the life of Jesus. He was an open and friendly man who lived a purposeful life and invested in the relationships He knew He was called to. To borrow from today’s culture, Jesus had followers, friends and framily. The connections He had with people fell into these categories and He invested in them accordingly. To His followers He ministered and showed love, withdrawing from them when He felt drained and never sharing too much of Himself with them because He knew that most of them were only present for what they could get from the relationship. He understood that and He engaged with them accordingly. Then He had friends, His twelve disciples, who shared His life. He shared parts of Himself with these and engaged with them to the level that they engaged with Him. Of these friends, He had only three who became framily. Peter, James and John. These were the very deep and authentic relationships Jesus invested most into, so much so, that in His darkest moment, He was hurt when they fell asleep instead of praying with Him. To these three Jesus showed His true self on the mount of transfiguration and shared secrets that the rest of the twelve were not privy to. Before His death, He entrusted His life’s work, the Church, to Peter and in His final moments on the cross, He entrusted his mother’s care to John. Framily.

I hope this encourages you as you continue to build your circle. Show yourself friendly, prioritise your relationships and streamline some of them if you have to. Don’t be afraid of situations that will test your relationships; embrace them and allow God to prove your friendships. Make impactful investments and watch them bear fruit as you pass through the seasons of life.