Your Heart’s Treasure

I’ve always struggled with my weight. Well, at least for as far back as I can remember. When I was thirteen, I went on a slimming diet for the first time. Yes, my aunt had started a diet that was working very well for her, and as I overheard her speak to my mother about it, I convinced myself that it would help me. I heard enough of her food restrictions that I was confident in being able to make some of those changes myself, and so, I did. It didn’t take long for me to start losing weight and for people to take notice. Their compliments fed into a deep place within me that desperately needed watering. You see, growing up I was never the beautiful one. From as early as third grade, I had strikingly beautiful friends. You know, the kind of beauty that was noticed. The kind of beauty that pop culture approved of and celebrated. I was never that kind of beautiful. I was overweight and a little awkward. The acne and introverted personality didn’t help much either. I certainly wasn’t clear-faced or pocket-sized and I rarely ever got any male attention, not unless you count the attention of call boys at the bus stop catcalling because of my skin tone and wide hips.

I continued ‘eating healthy’ and in a year I had achieved pocket-size status. I could buy my jeans from the stores my friends would shop at without asking for sizes the store didn’t carry and I could wear comfortably sized tank tops without feeling like I needed to cover the extra fat around my midsection. But had I become beautiful? Sadly, I didn’t feel I had and what had started as a health journey of incorporating better nutrition and exercise into my teenage life, slowly evolved into an obsession. By my fourteenth birthday, I was a full-blown anorexic. I would go at least three days without eating anything at all until I couldn’t take it anymore. When I got to that point, I would eat scrambled eggs with no fat or lean meat and vegetables. I vowed against carbs and wouldn’t be caught dead taking any dairy whatsoever. I would use my pocket money to purchase diet pills and appetite suppressants which my parents had no idea about. It wasn’t long before the compliments about my weight loss turned into questions of concern. This made me spiral even more, feeding the lie that I would never be good enough. I remember getting to the point where the obsession was so real that I would ask for permission to go to the bathroom at school, several times throughout the day, just so I could look into the mirror and make sure I was still thin. It sounds almost laughable but the truth is that I was so bound.

As I write this I can see her there, that fourteen, going-on fifteen-year-old girl, standing in front of the school bathroom mirror, pulling her oversized uniform tightly in the back, hoping that what she sees will line up with the expectations and demands she has of her body, waiting for a temporary approval to fill her, only to empty back out and lead her back there a few hours later. Oh, how many lies of the enemy she had fallen for during that time. When I look back now, I can see how this was such a direct attack on my purpose, in general, and more specifically, as a mother. You see, my body was so starved of proper nutrition for such a long time that my menstrual cycle had completely stopped for several months. It wasn’t long after this happened that God intervened on my behalf. Though my recovery and perspective about my body and my worth have taken many years to come correct, I believe without a doubt that the immediate help I received back then saved my life… and my future.

“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV)

“A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.” ~ Luke 6:45 (NLT)

Jesus answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.” ~ Luke 17:20b-21 (NKJV)

Every issue we have, or every issue known to man, begins in the heart. Either our own heart or the hearts of others. We live in a society and social media culture that focuses on what is on the outside yet what is on the inside is what needs aggressive attention. When I was a teen struggling with an eating disorder, it was not so much the outside, the eating issue, how I looked, or that I fit into my favourite jeans that were the issue, it was the turmoil within that needed attention. It was my need for control, my desire for healthy male attention and my need to feel beautiful, that were crying out below the surface of excessive weight loss. It was the condition of my heart, the holes and the lies I had let fester there. What is the condition of your heart? What is your heart’s treasure? This blog post is very vulnerable for me because it exposes a time in my life that I wish I could keep hidden, yet I believe that in my obedience to be vulnerable, you can be challenged and encouraged to do the work of exposing your own heart to The Heart Surgeon.

Start from within

There is an order God uses when He brings healing and wholeness into our lives. We mustn’t miss that order or get it mixed up. The issues in our marriages, the issues with our siblings or at our workplaces, are because of the defilement of our hearts. Our hearts are where the corruption stems from and spreads to corrupt our lives and our relationships. I know this sounds harsh, but it is true. We need to get to a place where we stop making excuses and allow God to bring to the surface all the junk we have stuffed away deep within our hearts.

I enjoy watching MasterChef Australia. I enjoy watching the home cooks evolve and advance in their skills and cooking confidence. I also enjoy watching all the food. One of the complex cooking methods taught to home cooks is that of clarifying a flavourful broth using an egg raft. The contestants will pack their broth with all sorts of flavour-bringing ingredients and when they have the flavour where they want it, they have to clarify it using this rather complicated process. This process is done by placing egg whites combined with ground fish or pork into the broth. As the proteins cook, they are supposed to collect all the sediment to the top of the pot, leaving a beautifully clear broth once removed. The egg mixture is called a raft because it sets like an omelette and floats at the top of the pot. This is the picture I get when I think of the work we must allow the Holy Spirit to do in our hearts. In the beginning, it may feel like we are adding a bunch of unnecessary or uncomfortable things to an already corrupted heart, but if we give Him the submission and the time, He will collect all our junk by bringing it to the surface. Once that happens, He shows us these impurities and asks us if we are willing to let Him remove them and clarify our hearts.

Know your proclivities

Anyone who has been reading this blog consistently will know that I have a deep love for chocolate and I support Cadbury Ministries quite faithfully. I was on a chocolate fast for several months and since then, my indulgence has greatly reduced yet my affection for this treat has not waned one bit. My sister and my close friend do not like chocolate. I have no idea what is wrong with them and often I believe they need prayer. They can eat chocolate if it is offered to them, but it is not their favourite thing. They are also very reserved with the flavours they will indulge in at all. See, prayers are needed. This reminds me of the life truth that the same thing can affect two different people differently. Losing weight, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and developing healthy habits for my body as a teen were good things, necessary things because I was overweight, but because of the corruption that was already in my heart, it became a foothold for the enemy into my life. I remember my class teacher calling me aside one time and sharing his concerns about my excessive weight loss. He proposed that I go to South Africa for treatment if I had any relatives there. His heart was in the right place and I am so grateful to God that I had teachers, both male and female, who cared about me enough to get into my business. Yet the truth was that I could have been placed in the best treatment facilities in the world to cure the issue presenting on the surface but for as long as the heart issues were left unattended to, the disorder would always return. What are your proclivities? What affects you more than it should, or more than it affects others, because of the corruption in your heart? You have to ask God to show you. He can’t work on them in secret, independent from your participation and you can’t participate if you pretend the issues aren’t there.

Understand the power of love

God’s love is a powerful antidote to the corruption in our hearts. Think about it, if we love God, love ourselves and love others, all the world’s problems would be solved. The reason I am even more convinced of this truth is that the devil has minimised the power of hate in our world. By doing this, he has fooled us into casually letting hate settle into our hearts… Hate for ourselves and others. This lie that hate isn’t that evil has a twofold effect; the first is familiarity with hate and the second is the lack of understanding that hate is extremely powerful. If we can wrap our heads around the power of hate, then we will understand the power of love. The Word says that God is love. If we truly believe that, what are we doing to ascribe love as a solution to the corruption in our hearts? God is love, love is God and God is more powerful than all the forces of darkness and hate combined. Let that sink in, once it does, see it transform your heart and, soon after, your life. This was Paul’s fervent prayer to the church in Ephesus and it is my prayer for you: I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. May you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Make kingdom deposits into your heart

Have you ever noticed how we are all designed to notice the problems around us and attempt to offer solutions? When people encounter you, do they get a sniff of the Kingdom of God or hate? When you take time to formulate solutions to the problems you see, do your solutions give life or take life? Anyone can live out of their defiled heart, it takes a special person to dig within their heart and do the work of cultivating God’s Kingdom into their heart. If you want to be a world changer who is remembered for generations to come, choose this day what the treasure of your heart will be. Choose to make God’s kingdom the treasure of your heart. Choose to let God’s love eradicate any corrupt seed of hate there may be in your heart. Pursue God’s Kingdom in all things. Be the person that spreads God’s Kingdom through kingdom encounters, kingdom conversations, kingdom solutions to culture’s problems, kingdom business ideas, kingdom marriage and kingdom parenting. Be about your Father’s Kingdom.

In the depths of your heart lies a treasure more valuable than any external riches, your true essence, your beliefs, your character, and your capacity to love. To nurture this treasure, start by looking inward and understanding your proclivities, recognise the power of love as an antidote for hate, and let it transform your heart. Remember, your heart condition is always on full display, whether you like it or not, so make kingdom deposits into your hearts that will bring light and love to the world, impacting not only your own life but also the lives of those you touch.