Use Your Words (Words are Weapons)

In a conversation about three years ago, I was telling my sister that something I had heard in a podcast had set me free from some mommy guilt I was experiencing. I can’t remember who the guest was on this particular episode of The Sister Circle Podcast which is hosted by Chrystal Evans Hurst, but in their conversation, which took many wonderful twists and turns, one thing that stood out to me was that it’s OK not to be a toddler mom. I know I am telling on myself big time here, but I hope that my transparency can help set someone else free from guilt just like I was when I listened intently to this conversation three years back. When I shared my takeaways from the podcast with my sister, I remember her asking me what it meant to not be a toddler mom, to which I explained that it meant the toddler years were not years when I would shine the most with my children. You see, I had been feeling like a bad mom for months leading up to my listening to that podcast and quite frankly, my almost-three-year-old and one-and-a-half-year-old were flat-out getting on my nerves. There I said it. I don’t know if I am the only one but the constant crying and whining really grated on me and I wondered what was wrong with me for feeling this way. The guest on the podcast unashamedly admitted that she felt the same way and that she had finally reached a place where she was thriving in motherhood because all her children were past that stage. Chrystal laughed as her guest continued explaining how she loathed the toddler tantrums and how her toddlers couldn’t go ten minutes without whining about one thing or another. Boy, could I relate! In hindsight, this should have been no surprise because even during the many years that I served in children’s ministry, I always deliberately steered clear of ages three to five. It just didn’t occur to me that I would have similar aversions to my children’s toddler behaviour. I mean, I’m their mom, who else was going to deal with them?

In my frustration, I heard myself saying “use your words” a lot during that period. When either of my children would be trying to express themselves to me and all that came out was snot and tears I would roll my eyes, take a deep breath and ask them to use their words so that I could understand what they needed. I still do it to this day. Jesus help me! I realise now that I have learned a great deal from my toddlers. For one, I have learned to be more compassionate and understanding towards those who can’t seem to get things I perceive as being so plain and simple. I have also learned to read between the lines because my children haven’t yet developed all the words to describe all the things. I’m proud of them though because they have become quite expressive about their emotions. Now that both my bambinos are soon exiting this phase I find myself asking them how certain situations made them feel or how they think the other person may have felt about their actions. Often, I feel like I am speaking to a brick wall until I hear them use their words to advocate for themselves in ways I was well into my teens before I knew how to do. Hi everyone, my name is Louise Mupeta and I am not a toddler mom.

Jesus answered, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” ~ Matthew 4:4 (ESV)

You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say. What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words. ~ Proverbs 18:20-21 (GNT)

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. ~ Luke 6:45 (NKJV)

Words of affirmation is my primary love language. I have had this wonderful relationship with words for as far back as I can remember. I think it’s amazing how God is so intentional about how He makes us. More than this love for words has served me externally, it has served as a regularly used weapon in my arsenal as a wife and mother. Today I want to share some of the things I keep at the forefront of my mind to help me fully appreciate the importance of my words. I hope that you too can develop a love for words as you begin to see them as weapons to be treasured and even revered.

Words show what we agree with

I shared in a previous blog post how I like to listen to the opinions of people, especially on hot-button topics. There is something about hearing the uninhibited view or judgement on certain things that helps me get some real perspective into the heart of a person. More than exposing our opinions, words expose what we agree with. The question is do we agree with what God has said? One sure way to detect whether you agree with God is to watch your words, both spoken and unspoken. The fact that you are not quite in agreement with God isn’t entirely wrong, what is wrong is deciding to dig your heels in, purposed to oppose the One whom you claim to be subject to. Rather, we should pay attention to our words and allow the Holy Spirit to show us areas that require realignment. Our words become a wonderful weapon when we recognise that they serve as a mirror, challenging us to become more aligned with God’s Word.

Words impact the outcome of our lives

I have heard it said that you will have what you say and this is very true. Faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God. What people often overlook here is that while we hear our pastors speak the Word once a week, we don’t get to carry them home with us. We are left with ourselves the rest of the week; if we don’t get in the habit of speaking the Word over ourselves, we will have whatever we say that may be contrary. The Bible tells us in Joel that even when we feel weak we must declare that we are strong. The English standard version is my favourite, it reads, “Let the weak say I am a warrior!” What we say over the situations of our lives will determine the trajectory of our lives. We have heard parents be discouraged from speaking death over their children because they typically wind up being whatever negative things their parents spoke over them, right? The same is true of our lives. If we speak God’s Word, we will have God’s promises. If we speak death and negativity, we will have just that, death and negativity. Let’s use our words as weapons to bring about the change we want to see in our lives.

Words build up our faith

Our faith is tied to what we say. Whatever we say is whatever our faith will begin to grow for. In the book of Isaiah, it says that God creates the fruit of the lips. Don’t get me wrong, slipping once in a while and being real about the storm in your heart is OK. It’s healthy. But just like fruit takes steady repeated sunlight, water and fertilised soil to grow, so our faith takes steady repeated words to grow. What are you repeatedly saying about certain situations in your life? Parents, what are you repeatedly saying about your children in their presence and their absence? When I correct my son for his wrong behaviour, oftentimes I am led to call him sir. I call him sir, not because he deserves my respect now, but because he is a man of God in the making and I need to teach him what it looks like to be respected as a man. I know it may sound weird but I get why I am led to do this. You see I never grew up with my father and my stepfather came into my life when I was twelve. If I am not purposeful about how I speak to my husband or my son, I find that I defer to my default setting which is that because I never grew up with a man in the home, I never learned how to speak man. When I look him in the eye and speak to him, not as a child, but as a man in the making, I am speaking over him what I want to see and I am also speaking to the little girl in me, reminding her that though she didn’t see it up close, there is a way in which she ought to speak to the men in her life. It is still a messy work in progress but I say all this to say that words are a weapon because we will have whatever we say. If you don’t like what you have, change what you’ve been saying.

Words articulate our emotions

I don’t think there is anything worse than an adult acting out like a toddler, unable to express their emotions because they don’t know how to use their words. Believe it or not, I used to be that girl. I was a sorry sight each time I needed to have a courageous conversation. I lacked the necessary skills that produce courage in such scenarios and I caved under pressure every time. Out of frustration with myself, I opted to keep things bottled up but that went south fast, especially as a young wife. Lord have mercy! Let’s just say adulting is real, and Jesus and therapy are mandatory. I have learned to appreciate the value of using my words to articulate my emotions and to show others that I understand theirs. God has never minced His words about how He feels so why, as His children, should we? Now let’s be very clear here, being honest doesn’t mean being cruel. We can be honest about how we feel without murdering the other person’s self-esteem. I have been on the receiving side of such homicidal confrontations, and it takes a long time to bounce back. Don’t be that person. Be the person who speaks the truth in such a way that many years down the road, whenever that conversation is revisited in memory, all parties involved will see God there. As the beautiful Alicia Keys sings, “The truth without love is just a lie.” Let our words be weapons we use to echo truth with love.

Let’s recognise that our words are weapons and like any weapon, they can be used to protect life or to cause death. Then let’s take it a step further by recognising that this weapon is useless if we don’t use it, and use it correctly. May God reveal your weak areas, not to condemn you because that is not His nature, but to cause you to rise up as the warrior He is calling you to be, your words as a great weapon.