The Cruelty of Comparison

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” ~Iyanla Vanzant

After successfully breastfeeding and weaning Chiara, I began my weight loss journey. During all four of my pregnancies, my body went through the wringer. From sciatica to swollen feet and everything in between, I knew I needed to give my body some tender love and attention once it was back to being just that, my body and mine alone. Let me explain if you are not female or haven’t had children yet. Once we conceive, our body ceases to belong to us and though the finish line is supposed to be the delivery of this wonderful bundle of joy, it isn’t. Thereafter, as we breastfeed, we become a 24/7 vending machine. While I enjoyed nursing both my son and baby girl, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I knew that re-sculpting my body would require a cut back on calories and some high-intensity exercise, all of which I was unable to fully do while nursing. I had 17 kilograms, a residual limp from sciatica and a few bad eating habits to lose. My goal was strength and wholeness. When I began I couldn’t even do a simple jumping jack without pain shooting through my right leg and up my lower back, but I pressed on and before long I was able to jog for a solid thirty minutes and follow along with high-intensity interval training workouts with reasonable ease. After nine months of being committed to my goals, I was 5 kilograms shy of my ideal weight. I was toned, stronger than I had ever been and enjoying my newfound confidence. I even went shopping to replace several items in my closet that had since become way too loose on me. Then the pandemic hit. The 2020 20kilogram challenge had been set and though I was unaware I had joined this challenge, I was gradually heading in the wrong direction on the scale. One stressful event after the next led to packing on one kilogram at a time. By the time all the dust was settling and I was finally able to exhale, I was pretty much back at the starting line, except this time I had not had a baby. This time I swapped out sciatica for disappointment in myself, bad eating habits for worse eating habits and 17 kilograms to lose for 22. Strength and wholeness were long gone and in their place, I had low morale and terrible acne. I barely recognized myself and it was time for a long-overdue reality check.

All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as He wills.” ~ 1 Corinthians 12:11 (ESV)

“Not that we have the audacity to venture to class or even to compare ourselves with some who exalt and furnish testimonials for themselves! However, when they measure themselves with themselves and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding and behave unwisely.” ~ 2 Corinthians 10:12 (ESV)

“Of course, we wouldn’t dare to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with those who rate themselves so highly. They compare themselves to one another and make up their own standards to measure themselves by, and then they judge themselves by their own standards. What self-delusion!” ~ 2 Corinthians 10:12 (TPT)

I have never really had an issue with comparing myself to other people, my issue has always been comparing myself to myself, what I deem to have been a better version of myself in any given area. This hasn’t served me well in several things, more especially in my weight loss journey. I have constantly had to fight feeling as if I have failed, let myself down and not stewarded my body well. I was almost at the finish line and I let it all slip away. I am not even able to properly recount how I let it happen. For the first few months of 2020, I was still exercising and eating right but the lack of progress on the scale made it difficult to continue without feeling it was purposeless. In hindsight, I think that is where I missed it. I believed that if it wasn’t giving me the result I wanted, it was pointless. I sometimes wish I could turn back time and tell myself to keep going. At the very least I would have maintained and had 5 kilograms to contend with instead of 22. I am disappointed. I have had to own those feelings and remind myself that simply feeling bad about it isn’t going to help. I know what to do, I have done it before, I simply have to pick myself back up and do the next right thing. You may need to too.

Whether you, like me, are struggling with comparing yourself to a former version of yourself, or are comparing yourself to others, His grace is sufficient for us. As much as that is true, we cannot fully access it if we remain in the cycle of comparison. Comparison repels God’s grace because it comes directly against whom God says you are. Comparison of yourself to others, or even yourself, makes you think of yourself as either too low or too high against what God says about you. An accurate visual of who we are is the starting point for God’s grace. Here are a few ways we can be purposeful about maintaining a God-based perspective on who we are and ward off the cruelty of comparison from wreaking havoc in our lives.

Worship

Worship is our feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for God. You may be wondering what worship has to do with comparison or how we see ourselves. Well, worship gets us to see God for who He is. As we focus on Him, who He is and all He has done for us, we place Him in His rightful place in our hearts and minds. As we do this, something special happens on the inside, we see God for who He is and simultaneously we begin to see ourselves as He sees us. As our eyes stay fixed on Him, it’s almost as though we see ourselves from the reflection of His eyes. When we see ourselves from His perspective the temptation of comparison falls away because its lie is brought to light by the truth that we are loved by God and that though we may not be where we want to be in certain areas, His love is not based on that, it’s based on Him. When we compare we can begin to think too low of ourselves, viewing ourselves through the lens of inadequacy, always behind compared to whomever we think is better. Comparison also presents the temptation to think too highly of ourselves, viewing ourselves through the lens of pride, and feeling superior in comparison to whomever we have set up against ourselves. With a posture of worship, the Holy Spirit can show us that those we are comparing ourselves to are simply beloved children of the Most High God just like we are. To believe anything else is to say that they are better or that you are better which dishonours God. A posture of worship ensures that in our hearts God is in His rightful place, we are in ours and others are in theirs.

Words

The Bible has much to say about our words. Gentle words bring life and health while a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. When we meditate on these and other passages we mainly think about the words we speak to others, forgetting that our self-talk is just as, if not more, important. What we say about ourselves will either push us towards or keep us from the temptation of comparison. We need to get aggressive with lining up our words about ourselves with what God’s Word says about us. It is not enough just to have head knowledge, we need to continuously meditate on it and confidently proclaim it. When what we think and what we hear ourselves say about ourselves lines up with God’s opinion of us, comparison has no leg to stand on.

Work

We are saved by grace, not by our works but because of the finished work of Jesus on the cross of Calvary. Sometimes as Christians we allow this truth to keep us from putting our hand to the plough. I am wonderfully and beautifully made and I am 22 kilograms overweight. Believing the truth that God paid special attention when He made me, shouldn’t cause me to be comfortable in my current state but fuel my desire to take care of my body. Comparison will lead us down a path that causes us to stay passive because we have fallen for the lie that we don’t have what they have and so we can’t attain what we admire. Rather than putting people up against ourselves in comparison, we can take our feelings to God, trusting that because He is not a respecter of persons, He can give us the grace to do the work to get to where we want to go. We slowly kill who we are when we don’t act accordingly. Another thing we need to acknowledge about who we are is that we are excellent. God did not make anything that wasn’t excellent. If we truly believe this, it will propel us to action with excellence. The question is, do you have enough faith to work towards whom God said you can be in excellence? Partner with God and work towards your purpose with excellence. It is impossible to become preoccupied with comparison when you are tenaciously pursuing purpose. It doesn’t mean you won’t have some bumps along the way, it just means that when you fall, you get back up and keep at it.

Let’s not act in violence against ourselves by playing into the hand of comparison. Let’s go to God in worship, humble and sincere. Let’s take our feelings to Him and allow Him to replace the lies with His truth. Let’s believe that when He made us He didn’t make any mistakes and let’s use the truth of His Word to energise us into excellent action.