Multiplication Power – Healing

“If you never heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” ~ Tamara Kulish

After giving birth to my beautiful daughter Chiara London, I was surprisingly overtaken by feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. I had prayed for a girl and when I finally held her I was so aware of the fact that I had no clue how to raise her. I am not sure why these feelings didn’t arise when my son was born, all I know is that it hit me like a tonne of bricks that she was a woman in the making and I was dreadfully unaware of how to raise her to be the woman I knew God intended her to be. The irrational thing is that instead of using these feelings to send me into the presence of the One who knew and continues to know, I let them overtake me for quite some time. After grappling with the anxiety that would ensue, I sought help by visiting a therapist. I went for therapy every week for several months and while it helped me process and deal with many things, it helped me realise that one of the biggest reasons I felt anxiety about raising my daughter was because I hadn’t forgiven myself for certain mistakes I had made growing up. It’s funny how Satan will use even the silliest of things and twist them into hideous unbearable monsters. He did this to me during this time. Believing his lies caused me to feel as though I was unworthy of not only my daughter but both my children. “How can you raise them to be this when you weren’t able to do that?” He would whisper into my ear. “How on earth will they not do this when you did that?” Over and over in different scenarios, I was tempted to believe that God made a mistake when He chose to make me a mother. While on the outside it looked like I had it all together, on the inside I felt unworthy, ill-equipped and overwhelmed.

“Watch over each other to make sure that no one misses the revelation of God’s grace. And make sure no one lives with a root of bitterness sprouting within them which will only cause trouble and poison the hearts of many.” ~ Hebrews 12:15 (TPT)

“My child, pay attention to what I say. Listen carefully to my words. Don’t lose sight of them. Let them penetrate deep into your heart, for they bring life to those who find them, and healing to their whole body. Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” ~ Proverbs 4:20-23 (NLT)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” ~ Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT)

The first step to overcoming my feelings was admitting them by giving them a voice. I shared my heart with my dear friends, who not only listened and encouraged, they paid for the first few sessions of my therapy. The internal and external work I undertook in those sessions helped me pinpoint what I was feeling and why. After that, I had to allow God to touch those places within me that needed healing. Yes, life has given me many opportunities to have to forgive others and there have been times when this has been difficult, to say the least. I share this particular challenge because I feel it is not highlighted enough. Many times we hear the word forgiveness and we automatically think of that person who wronged us. Our butt-cheeks tighten and a hot lump fills our throat as our body physically rejects the idea of forgiving them. A few times the first person that comes to mind, needing forgiveness, is ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I find it easy to be gracious to others. Extending grace and mercy to myself is what I have a challenge with. Everyone makes mistakes and learning from these errors, letting go, moving on, and forgiving ourselves is important for our mental health and well-being. The act of forgiveness, whether forgiving ourselves or others who have wronged us, does not suggest that we condone the behaviour. Forgiveness is accepting what happened and deciding to move past it without ruminating over things past that cannot be changed. Forgiveness is a difficult but necessary healing process. 

After doing all the things to acknowledge an injury, healing must begin. Healing is defined as the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. Process. I like that it’s made clear this doesn’t happen at the click of a finger. I don’t know what injury you may have, but I do know that it will require a process to bring you back to wholeness and health. Denying ourselves the privilege of going through the healing process with our oh-so-loving God is ludicrous and a sure way of allowing a root of bitterness to grow in our hearts. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that the power of multiplication is blind and applies its law to both good seeds and bad seeds. When seeds are planted, they sprout roots and once these roots take hold, a plant will begin to emerge eventually breaking through the soil and revealing itself above the surface. When we don’t address our pain, leaving it to fester, it sprouts a root of bitterness which begins to multiply into fear, resentment, hate, anxiety, strife, you name it. Unfortunately, the people we love most are the ones who then have to eat the fruit that is produced.

From the above passages of scripture, here are a few thoughts I want to share on how we can ensure, regardless of the source of our injury, that what we multiply is healing and not bitterness.

Watch over each other

My husband Ceaser was recently telling me how he and a friend of his were whipped for laughing at a girl in their school back in the day. This sparked a conversation about how African parents will go as far as to scold or discipline children who don’t belong to them and whether this is right or wrong. Our Western counterparts are very, “mind my own business” in comparison and to some extent, I think I appreciate our way of doing things. The Bible seems to agree with me when it instructs us, in Hebrews 12, to watch over each other. We were never designed to do life alone. We need the safety of community to watch over us and to help us when we are down or injured. Safe people who can point out the wrong fruit when it begins to show in our lives and help us trace it back to a sprout of bitterness we may be overlooking. Let’s commit to watching over each other, in our clans, our crews and our framilies. Let’s be the safeguards for one another and let’s address the fruits of bitterness when we see them.

Don’t miss the revelation of God’s grace

One thing I realise about the grace of God is that if you have not legitimately interacted with it, you will find it difficult to extend grace to others. In my life, I realised that because I had not fully accepted God’s grace to me, I could be gracious to others but not to myself. If I can be completely honest here, the truth is that I wasn’t being gracious to anyone at all. I would internally react whenever I deemed the behaviour of others to be wrong while externally extending grace to them. I would shake my finger and tsk-tsk at them in my mind and then on the outside show them mercy and grace. God had to deal with me here. He reminded me that His Word says that I should love others as I love myself. The fact that I wasn’t able to extend grace to myself made it impossible for me to genuinely and completely extend grace to others. The more I allowed the Holy Spirit to give me a better revelation of this wondrous gift of God’s grace, the more I was able to internalise it. This continues to be a game changer for my attitude, my self-talk and my interactions with others.

Don’t lose sight of God’s Word

When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him and put him to flight. The “standard” is God’s Word and the only way the Spirit of God can raise this standard up in our lives is if we ensure we have it in our hearts. The Holy Spirit can’t use what is not there or what is long since forgotten. We need to read our Bibles regularly if we stand any chance against the plots and ploys of the devil. During just past Juneteenth I was intrigued to find out what exactly the American holiday is about. I learned that Juneteenth, which is short for June Nineteenth, commemorates the day in 1865 when federal troops arrived in Texas to ensure that all enslaved people were freed. These troops arrived two and a half years after the Emancipation Proclamation had been signed. My meagre understanding of this is that according to the law, slavery had been abolished but because the word had not reached or been enforced in this particular part of the United States, the enslaved continued in their miserable state. That will preach! You see, Satan was already defeated at Calvary, but when we lose sight of God’s Word, we cannot apply His law to the parts of life where we succumb to Satan’s lies. Reading and applying God’s Word gives us a sure boldness to put the memo of Satan’s defeat on blast.

Guard your heart

Healing from any pain, no matter how it is inflicted, begins in the heart. Furthermore, the condition of our hearts will help us avoid certain injuries altogether. Guarding our hearts and learning the art of protecting our peace is key if we are to live life well.

Forgive, just as Christ has forgiven you

Bitterness is like acid. An acid so corrosive it affects every area of our life until there is nothing left but the taste and scent of it. Forgiveness is the lynchpin of our faith. In its absence, we are without a Father and without hope. Part of our adoption process is allowing God to minister His healing power over us and before He can touch any external wounds, He reaches in deep, to the core of us. He desires to eradicate the poisonous bitter acid that may be affecting areas in our hearts we are too hurt to see. Submitting our hurt to Him and deciding to forgive is evidence that we believe we are forgiven.

The healing process usually requires uncomfortable and even difficult steps but we are reminded in God’s Word that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. I hope this challenges you to check your injuries. Have they been in the process of healing or bitterness? If they are being ignored, the answer may be obvious. It’s not too late to scratch off the scab and start over. Yes, it may hurt. It may even bleed, but God is willing and ready to partner with you in attending to the wound.