God-shifts = Giant-killing

I used to be fearless, but somewhere along the journey, I think I lost my edge. Let me be brutally honest, I don’t just think, I know. Despite the giants I’ve conquered in the past, my muscles aren’t bulging with strength, they feel weak and atrophied. You know how we’re born into this world without fear, but as we age, fear creeps in, corrupting our outlook on life? This pretty much mirrors the trajectory of my last five years. The younger, more naïve, version of me charged ahead, with everything she felt God was saying to her. Oh, how I admired her audacity. While the past five years have held a lot of growth and development, the underside of that growth is a new reality, one tainted by that learned fear. Gone is the innocence and in its stead is a sober awareness of the potential pitfalls, failures and disappointments that lurk behind every act of obedience. It’s a reality I can’t unsee and I can’t unlearn no matter how hard I try. Gosh I hate that for her! I mourn for that foolishly fearless version of myself. Now, I overthink and second-guess myself because I have evidence that cannot be ignored, evidence that causes me to hesitate. Now, I often feel a little stuck because I have evidence that I could fall flat on my face with no one there to peel me off the ground if I do. Now, even when I attempt to walk in alignment with God’s purpose for my life, fear weighs me down. Giants from my past have left me weary. You see, though I killed them, they almost killed me first. Now, I wonder if I’m just one more giant away from being taken out. I know my calling and purpose demand courage and so yes, I will have to kill some giants not just for my sake but for those behind and around me. My mother didn’t raise a punk so don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to punk out. I refuse to be misconstrued as weak, I’m just tired.

Is it acceptable to vocalise this weariness? Can I confess my exhaustion without fear of judgment? Like the Apostle Paul said, I hope you will put up with a little more of my foolish and crazy talk. Please bear with me as I express a plight I believe many resonate with but haven’t been able to say out loud… Lord, I’m tired. The weight of purpose is overwhelming and I fear I don’t have what it takes. Past failures keep whispering death threats into my ear and they’re so loud. They’re so loud it’s hard not to believe them. I put on the worship music, and I play the sermon back but when I lay in my bed at night those haunting whispers refuse to be silenced. The path isn’t so clear anymore, as shadows of past failures stretch long and dark into the present. Up against the enormity of the task before me, I am well aware of my inadequacies, and with each passing day, the weight of responsibility grows a little heavier. Like I said, foolish and crazy talk. I wonder though, seeing that there is too much at stake, if we can afford not to indulge in a little foolish and crazy talk so that we might strengthen one another. It’s foolish and crazy talk that allows us to sift through our emotions until we can see the thing that will get us through… Faith.

“Shall I bring to the point of birth and not cause to bring forth?” says the LORD; “shall I, who cause to bring forth, shut the womb?” says your God. ~ Isaiah 66:9 (ESV)

I have decided to allow myself to hold space for both my learned fear and my faith. This fear causes me to dig deeper until I find a faith that refuses to be extinguished. That faith says I am not alone in this unfamiliar place. That faith says there are hands ready to lift me when I stumble, and a gentle familiar voice speaking words of encouragement in the darkness. That faith says that I am fortified by the knowledge that I am not alone because it, too, is backed up by evidence. So, yes, I’m tired, bone weary from the battles fought and the obstacles overcome, but I am also fueled by a determination to press on despite the odds. I am certain that with each trial faced and each fear conquered, I am one step closer to becoming the person I was always meant to be… the person I can only be on the other side of killing these giants. I pray I can hype you up as I hype myself up because we’re not going to enjoy the shift God wants to do, not until we’re in our fighting stance and sound our battle cry when we hear Him say it’s time to move. In preparation, I am diligently working my muscles in these three areas. I hope they can be of help to you as you prepare for your own God-shifts.

Point out your giants

What is that thing that is breathing down your neck? That thing you have an overwhelming need to kill so you can move forward in your life? The truth, my friend, is that we have to kill some giants to get to our purpose and the temptation is for us to learn to co-exist with our giants rather than eliminate them. Yeah, that temptation is very real. When we sign a peace treaty with the giants in our lives we hinder our prayers, prayers whose answers can only come when that giant’s head has been cut off. Those things beyond what we can ever ask, think or imagine, those things come after we go to battle with the giant. If you’re anything like me, this is a hard truth to accept, especially because there are so many giants. Sometimes just thinking about them all weighs me down and in my frustration, I’ve felt the Holy Spirit say to list them down one season at a time. God isn’t asking us to go to war day after day, no, He knows our frailty, what we can handle and what steps we ought to take. Don’t think about the giants you have to conquer in three years or five years, focus on the ones in your current season. List them down and go a step further by listing your weak points in conquering each of them. Pointing these giants out is a first and massive step, but we can do it, our God-shifts are worth us doing that work.

When you list your giants down, you will recognise a pattern that the enemy will try to use to discourage you…. Compared to your giants, you’re small, very small. Of course, we’re small, it’s a giant! The very definition of giant means we cannot match it and without God’s help, that thing should blow us away. My favourite animation has a line in it that says, “I’ll punch you so hard, your ancestors will feel dizzy.” If that giant went up against us all by ourselves, it would punch us so hard that our ancestors, who didn’t have the nerve to kill it, would feel dizzy. If we could kill our giants without God’s help then I would argue that we were not in the will of God. If your giants don’t make you shake in your boots then it’s not a giant. It’s supposed to scare you. Don’t let the fact that it does cause you to sign a peace treaty with it or with someone you think will help you manage it. God wants you to kill that thing and to lean on Him as you do.

Obsess over the reward, not the giant

Is anyone else as results-oriented as I am? This can sometimes be a weakness but I like to think of it as one of my strengths. In this giant killing business, being results-oriented can be the difference between defeat and victory. When we look at the story of David and Goliath, David wasn’t just fueled by his desire to honour God by taking Goliath out, he was also motivated by the tangible benefits he would enjoy once he cut that giant’s head off. He asked what the reward would be for the one who would face off with that uncircumcised philistine. There were some pretty good rewards lined up and he got to enjoy them once he got to the other side of that battle. Jesus, also focused on His reward as he faced off the cross. The Bible says that for the joy that was set before Him, Christ endured the cross. He knew that on the other side of his battle, there was a handsome reward lined up for Him. Ask yourself and ask God what is on the other side of your giants hitting the ground. What is your life going to look like when that thing is dead? For me, it’s a lot about legacy. Being known by my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren as a giant slayer is a big part of my reward. My siblings not being tormented by these giants is another. I have to kill them so that those behind me and around me can do life in peace and with a new standard set for them. This is what I meditate on when I’m up against some things.

Acknowledge your Helper

One sure way you can identify your giants is by asking yourself this question: “Is this thing standing between me and what God has promised me?” Don’t take on giants you have no business fighting. Get with God and ask Him who His enemies regarding you are. If you’re like me, you have that one friend or cousin you know you can take to a fight if it ever came to it. You also know who is your physical fight person, spiritual fight person and verbal fight person. If you’re more spiritual than I am then perhaps this means absolutely nothing to you. For the rest of us who are still being sanctified, we have gauged our companions and we know their strengths. God is that friend you take with you when you have a giant to kill. If He has shown you a promise in His Word and if He has confirmed it by His Spirit to your spirit, then you know He will show up when it’s time to get onto the battlefield. Why? Because He said so.

“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

God is invested in your battles. He won’t hype you up and then leave you hanging. He won’t bring you to the point of birthing a new normal and not cause to you bring it forth, that’s not His nature. Listen, my biological father never kept a single promise he made me. Not one. Because of this, I have no real ‘proof of concept’ for who God is as a Promise Keeper. My mind has difficulty seeing God as that and as a result, I’m always wondering what I have to do to convince Him to help me. Most times it feels like I’m putting myself out there and it’s a fifty-fifty chance of whether God will cover me. The funny thing is that this is one of my giants. It’s an ungodly fear that haunts me every time I armour up for battle. What it often forgets is that because I don’t let it keep me in hiding, my siblings and my children won’t have to hear its taunts. You might have different reasons for asking yourself the question, “Will He leave me out here to die?” My encouragement to you is to remind yourself of His character. Remind yourself of the battles He has helped you win in the past and when that doesn’t seem to shake off that fear, pray, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.”

David knew who his Helper was and he wasn’t ashamed to acknowledge it. He said to Goliath, “Today the LORD will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head.” There was a part He knew God would do and one he knew he had to do. Acknowledge your Helper as you face off against the giants in your battle of life. Allow God to do His part and lean on His grace and power for you to do yours.

It’s okay to admit when you feel weary and drained. This world has us running around pretending we’re not bleeding and in need of refuge in God before we can go back into battle. Take a leaf from Paul and indulge in some foolish talk of your own with God and with some trusted companions. Admit that you’re afraid. Admit that you wonder if you can do it. Admit that you wish your parents had done it so you wouldn’t have to. It’s okay. In that space, He will meet you. He will put His healing salve on your wounds, both spiritual and emotional, and He will restore your strength. He knows what He placed inside of you and He wouldn’t call you if you weren’t up to the task. Let Him remind you what awaits you on the other side of the battle as you acknowledge Him every step of the way.