I’m Ready, But I’m Not Ready

As I stood close to the edge of the open gorge, my heart pounded against my chest like a war drum. The wind swirled with exhilaration as it danced around us. I couldn’t shake the mix of excitement and apprehension coursing through my veins. The year was 2003 and this was my first experience of gorge swinging. As I followed the instructions on how to strap myself into the harness, I realised that my mother had signed the consent forms for this activity without knowing what in the world it would entail. “If she could see me now,” I thought to myself as I  strapped tightly to my partner, Naomi. Naomi, like me, had said she would do the deed if she could do it with someone else and so we became dare-devil partners. There was a surge of camaraderie mixed with nerves as we exchanged a glance, our eyes mirroring the blend of emotions churning in the pits of our stomachs. We were in this together, bound by straps and a shared determination to conquer our fears. We stepped onto the platform on the edge of the gorge, our backs towards the gaping expanse. The fear got very real, very fast, making it difficult not to second-guess myself. Was I really ready for this? I didn’t have to do this. I mean, what was I trying to prove? The thoughts echoed in my mind, each repetition amplifying my uncertainty. I glanced at Naomi, searching for reassurance in her steady gaze, but even she couldn’t dispel the doubts as she said, “Lou, this is scary.”

The team of two assisting and reassuring us continued to give instructions. How could they possibly be giving us life-dependent instructions in the heat of this moment? I could hear myself answering their questions and committing to do exactly what they said, yet I could barely make sense of what they were saying. As I tried to bring myself back into the moment, I heard one of the men ask, “Ready?” As if we were reading one another’s minds, Naomi and I shouted above the sound of the wind, “Wait!” We were both trying to summon the courage to finish what we had started there. After a few moments and an exchange of reassuring words to one another, we gave the man tightly gripping our straps, the OK. He asked us to take a step back—one step. We were still on the platform. “Another step back,” he said—one more step. Hearts pounding and feet still on the platform, though right at the edge. “Ready?” We both nodded, too scared to let our mouths open to betray us. I don’t think I was fully done nodding before I felt a gentle push as he let go of our straps.

The platform blurred around us as we plummeted towards the earth, a dizzying descent into the gorge below. Adrenaline surged. In that exhilarating freefall, there was only the rush of wind, the ringing of our screams and the beating of my heart. When we came to the end of our rope, for a split second, relief fooled my body into relaxing, only for my stomach to drop again as we began to swing. Another round of screams came forth when it seemed as if we would slam into the side of the gorge, only to swing back in the opposite direction at the last moment. This went on a few times, and then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. I think I remember someone being below to help us out of the gear, but I can’t be sure. In that moment all that mattered was that we hadn’t died. We had done it! As we climbed back up the gorge to solid ground, I couldn’t help but smile. I may not have been ready, but I had been ready enough, and sometimes ready enough is all you need.

 Then Jeremiah turned to the Recabites and said, “This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘You have obeyed your ancestor Jehonadab in every respect, following all his instructions.’ Therefore, this is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘Jehonadab son of Recab will always have descendants who serve me.’” ~ Jeremiah 35:18-19 (NLT)

I have been saying this a lot to God lately: “I’m not ready, but I’m ready.” It’s been a motto as I’ve felt Him gently nudge me into the deep end of some new things. I’ve also found myself saying it as He has begun to answer prayers that I’ve been praying for a while now. I have prayed some very fervent prayers and almost felt like I’ve been left hanging by God only to have some answers come in very stealthy ways. My sister keeps saying it’s going to be an avalanche, to which I say, “I’m not ready, but I’m ready.” I’ve been challenged in that recently. Not so much in the use of the words, but in the intent behind the words. I’ve had the Lord ask me, “Is your lack of readiness because you’ve gotten too comfortable in the waiting?” Many times God will have us wait to strengthen our resolve and to prove our faith, yet I’ve never thought about what happens when we become so comfortable with waiting that we miss the cue to go forward. For a few things in particular He has asked me why it’s easy for me to drop it all and go when it’s man’s instruction, yet when it’s His gentle nudge, I sometimes hesitate. “Way to be blunt Lord, sheesh.”

I’ve been reading the Book of Isaiah, using it as a magnifying glass for my own life and any ways that I am missing God’s commands or warnings. This led me to the passage in Jeremiah 35 which speaks of God’s displeasure and comparison of the disobedience of His people to the obedience of another group called the Recabites. The question is simple: “If these Recabites could obey everything they had been commanded by their father who was just a man, how was it so difficult for the Israelites to obey Him, their God.” The Israelites were in a holding pattern for so long that when it was time to act, they missed their cues. By the time Jesus arrived on the scene, they had become so accustomed to missing cues that many of them stopped seeing what was right in front of them altogether. Two things struck me as I read through this passage. The first was, what kind of man did this father, who was completely obeyed, have to be for his children to treasure his commands in such a manner? Secondly, in what areas of my life am I more inclined to obey man, while claiming not to be ready to obey God’s instructions? As I answered the first, I found myself answering the second and I’d like to share my thoughts with you.

Be READY to get up close and personal

Being ready to obey God doesn’t mean you feel ready. Most times you won’t. The point isn’t to feel ready, it’s to be ready when He speaks. For me, a lack of readiness comes when I pretend that I can fight the obstacles on my way to readiness from a distance. It can’t work that way. Many of those obstacles that get in our way have our names on them and only we can destroy them. Now, before you start thinking I’m being over-spiritual, I want to clarify… Obstacles can be your struggle to wake up early to pray, your lack of discipline in how you spend your money, your pride, your lack of boundaries or your over-dependence on chocolate. We aren’t talking about demons here, we’re talking about things in the way of you becoming the truest version of yourself as you obey God and walk in His ways. For me, it’s been those early mornings. God has been telling me, “Girl, if you don’t come correct, you’ll be selling your own self short, not me.” The kid gloves are off, that’s all I can say. The question is, how badly do you want purpose? How badly do you want the you that God has shown you? We often think we have all the time in the world to become that person, but that’s a lie. The time is now. The fight is now. The obstacles are there, and they have your name on them. You’ve been empowered to take them out and get to the other side. You have to get up close and personal if you want to become who God has intended. Up close and personal in your honest evaluation of self. Up close and personal with your excuses. Up close and personal with your roadblocks. Up close and personal with your God, the only One who can empower you to do the thing. Are you ready?

Be READY to be tested

Will you trust what God has told you enough to act at all costs? The thing is, it’s going to cost you something. God doesn’t tempt us. He has no evil in Him, so He can’t dangle evil in front of us. God doesn’t tempt us, yet He does test us. He tests us to prove us, to sieve anything in us that doesn’t look like Him and to see if we would still obey Him when we don’t see the full picture. Does our obedience matter that much? You may think it’s not that deep or it’s not that big of a deal, but it is. This is a war, honey! Your enemy hates you and he is out for your blood. It’s that serious and if you don’t take it seriously, you will lose every time. What’s scary is that many times, we don’t even see that we have lost. We compromise on small things and slowly lose who we are as bigger and bigger compromises become easier to make. Before we know it, we’re far from where God wants us. Sometimes even that doesn’t shake us back to the Father, we keep going, convinced that we have time to make up the losses. What tests have you been failing? How are you lying to yourself? Where have you gotten a little too casual? When last did you ask God to help you examine your motives? Are you ready to pass the tests of the Lord? Will He prove you sincere in your desire to honour Him? Like I said, this is a war, honey. Are you ready?

Be READY to wait on God

Our Heavenly Father is a vision giver. If you spend enough time in His presence, He’ll give you pictures of yourself, your future and even those close to you. Sometimes, when God speaks, it is not for right now. He does this often to test our resolve to wait on Him and also to prepare us. The thing I’ve found to be true is that if I’m not resolved to wait for His cue to move, I won’t be prepared. When I’m nagging at Him impatiently, I’m not even thinking about what I may need to prepare for what’s coming. When we aren’t ready to wait on God, we tend to pervert His vision to us. We want it to fit our mould so badly that we start to convince ourselves of things that aren’t there or aren’t true. As we push forward with things God wanted us to wait on, they turn into something that God never intended. Waiting isn’t easy. For me, it feels like a waste of time because I want to be out there doing things. Yet, waiting refines us, it prepares us and proves our faith. Waiting allows us to get the full instructions from God. It allows us to ask our questions and work through any doubt that may slow us down in the future. Waiting says to God and others that you believe what He has for you is good even when opportunities to compromise present themselves. Are you ready to take God as a truth-teller and wait on Him for what He has for you instead of settling for the counterfeits along the way? You may not feel ready, but I pray that when the challenge to wait comes, you will be ready.

Be READY to act in faith

Everything God says is gold. Do we esteem it that way? When we doubt, we call God a liar and this limits what He wants to do in our lives. God has called us His warriors in whatever arena each of us has been placed in. Why is it so easy for us to doubt this and act on those doubts? For me, most of the time my reason is fear. Whenever I have to coach myself through fear I use my motto yes, but I also remind myself that it’s not about me but about Him. The same is true for you, whatever is holding you back from acting like the person God has said that you are and called you to be. It’s not about you, it’s about Him. God has anointed you to do the thing. It’s about His name and His kingdom. Our confidence, or lack thereof, shouldn’t be in self, it should be in the truth that God is who He says He is, and He is with you. Another important thing to remember is that there are links to this. Your assignment is linked to the destiny and assignment of others. Your decision to hang back is affecting other people. No, there is no one else to do it because there is only one you. Rather than letting your fear of man or failure hold you back, you need to step up in the fear of the Lord and do what He has called you to do. Are you ready?

“I’m not ready, but I’m ready.” I’m ready to see myself how God sees me. I’m ready to stop speaking against God and myself, to change my language and speak life into what God has pronounced over me. I’m ready to stop letting fear rule and lean into the love of God which casts out all fear. I’m ready to be the kind of person who was ready and available to submit to God so much so that generations down the line, my descendants will speak of me, what I did, how I took out my obstacles, how I waited on God, passed the tests and acted in faith. This, my life’s testimony, will be their instruction to follow and the Lord will be glorified in it. With all my heart, I pray the same for you dear warrior. We may not be fully ready, but we’re ready enough and ready enough is all we need.