Who Is Leading Who?

Anyone who knows my mother knows that she loves to laugh. She laughs loud, with abandon, until she cries. We can tell it’s not from the depth of her soul if she isn’t looking for a tissue while she halfheartedly wills herself to stop. That sound has been a sort of soundtrack to my life. And what a beautiful sound it is. My mother’s laughter has marked several significant times in my life, some filled me up while others left me blankly unamused. Allow me to share a time when her laughter left me dumbfounded in the driver’s seat of a car that came to a crashing halt as I yelled, “How do I stop?!” It was a Saturday afternoon when we were heading back home in my mother’s green Toyota Carina Wagon. My sister was in the back seat and I was in the passenger’s seat while my mother drove. When she reached the entrance to the alley where our home was located, she brought the car to a complete stop and got out. As she walked around the front of the car, she said, “You’re driving.” I was probably fifteen at the time, a year away from driving age (which was sixteen back then). I was surprised but excited as I scooted over the gearbox and into the driver’s seat. My mother put her serious face on and guided me through where to place my feet and how to start the car. Thankfully her vehicle had an automatic transmission. Before she could tell me to do anything else, a tall dark man appeared on my side of the car. He bent over, smiling as he introduced himself. I don’t remember what he said his name was, but I do remember him saying he was a driving instructor. I guess he had noticed my mother switching sides with me and thought he could be of some assistance. He told me not to be scared and asked if I knew how to ride a bicycle, to which I said I did. He laughed and said driving was much easier than riding a bicycle. After that, he walked off just as quickly as he had walked over.

“You see,” My mother said, clearly feeling affirmed in her random act of adventure, “Put the car in drive and slowly lift your foot off the break.” I did as she instructed, and the car began to move. The alley was long and with our home located almost right at the halfway point, I had a fair bit of runway to practice. “Put your foot a little more firmly onto the accelerator,” my mother coached, as we eased our way down the quiet one-way road. I was starting to feel myself as I got the hang of it. My body relaxed and so did my grip on the steering wheel. Before long, we could see the gate to our yard on the right-hand side. My mother prompted me to veer more left so that I could make the turn with ease. I did as she said and as I did, it dawned on me… I had no idea how to stop. Wasn’t that the next thing I needed to do, stop in front of our gate so we could open it? “How do I stop?” I awkwardly asked my mother. I’m not sure if it was that she too realised I had not the faintest idea how to stop, the sound of panic in my voice or the look on my face as I asked. I honestly couldn’t tell you but this woman who gave birth to me burst out into laughter as if I had cracked the world’s funniest joke. I was stunned. Not only that, the car was still moving forward! I steered it right and in the few seconds it took for the vehicle to align with the gate, my mother’s laughter became even more uncontrollable. I mean, tears all over her cheeks, and the ebb and flow of loud chuckles and silent gasps for air in between them filled the car. My sister was sitting up now. “Mom! Mom, it’s not funny! How does she stop?!” No, there was no reaching her at that point and there was also no more road between the front of the vehicle and the gate. My tight grip on the steering wheel matched my eyes closed shut as the car slammed into the gate and came to a stop. I can’t remember if either of us screamed. I know for sure my mother didn’t, she was still laughing her head off. What if I had damaged the car? Panic began to tighten my throat as my mother put the gear in park. I got out as quickly as I could to check. The car was fine, the gate had a dent in it and when I looked over at the passengers in the car, one of them was still laughing.

 Who is able to advise the Spirit of the LORD? Who knows enough to give Him advice or teach Him? ~ Isaiah 40:13 (NLT)

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. You did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” ~ Romans 8:14-15 (NKJV)

If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? ~ Hebrews 12:8-9 (ESV)

A few weeks ago I found myself feeling mentally drained. Rising anxiety led me to plead with God about something I’ve been praying over for quite some time. I was honest as I expressed my fatigue to God. I openly cried out to Him and asked Him to incline His ear to my situation… to me. As I prayed, I was urged to write down my prayer and as I did, these words came out on paper:

“Lord, my hope is low. Strengthen my resolve to keep fighting. Strengthen my mind and my arms. Strengthen my back and my legs so that I might stand upright and not fail despite my fatigue. Cover me, Lord, let me not be put to shame in the last moments of this battle. Renew my strength as it was in the beginning and help me to finish strong.”

I left my prayer time feeling raw and exposed yet the Lord met me there. As my day progressed He ministered to me and called me out on some things while encouraging me in others. I wrote a lot of what He said down, some of which I would like to share as an encouragement for you today.

As we grow and encounter different things in life, behind the scenes, those experiences shape our perception of the world and ourselves. Many of us are inclined to certain things as adults that became a part of our worldview during our experiences as children or adolescents. Often, these experiences fade into the background, but the remnants remain ingrained in our behaviour, interests, fears and doubts. This is a reality of life, it doesn’t make us good or bad, it just makes us human and indicates that we are engaging with what is around us. The challenge presents itself when, even in the wake of these life experiences, God still expects us to follow His lead which, often, is in opposition to these already established patterns. When we let our experiences govern our minds and lives, we can’t properly be led by the Spirit of God. It is for this reason that God allows us to sort of re-experience life, compelling the true version of us to come forth. This re-experience is often difficult and uncomfortable, yet in it, if we remain in the right posture, there is such a blessing. What is that posture you ask? While it may look a little different for you, I believe we all must have the following ingredients if we wish to be led by the Spirit of God through the many trials that bring our old selves into conflict with whom God is calling us to be.

Stillness

Is it just me who feels like this stillness thing is impossible to get down? I’m telling you! Every time I feel like I’m finally getting the hang of quieting my soul and being still enough before the Lord, He’s like, “Be still,” More still? Lord, I need to be more still than I am right now, is that even humanly possible? Yes, more still. If you’re feeling anxious today, if you’re feeling weighed down, tired or discouraged, His peace and His answers can be found in more of your stillness. You see, God’s Spirit wants to lead us to places we have never been before, and unlike my mother, He knows you have no idea what you’re doing behind the wheel of your life. He desires to reveal Himself to each of us by gently guiding us through all the twists and turns. He desires to reveal who we truly are, who He created us to be in the secret place. He can’t do that with the distractions of worry, anxiety, impatience, comparison, procrastination, to name a few. He needs us to be still, to rest in the truth that He’s God and we’re not. When we’re moving, trying to figure things out in our strength, trying to find answers to the questions we have, and trying to make the trials of life end faster, all we’re doing is making noise. If you’re an achiever, planner and problem solver like me, you don’t like the sound of that. Being still can feel like a waste of time. It can feel like we’re giving up or that we’re being lazy. Nope, He says being still means we trust Him. And so if we claim to be children of God whom Holy Spirit leads, His expectation when we want to do all the things frantically is for us to be still. We submit to His leadership in our stillness.

Hope

While you’re being still, don’t lose your hope. The Lord keeps telling me this lately, yet in certain areas, I find myself in this cycle of low hope that feels like a cycle of defeat. The other day I heard someone say that as children of God, we have this “can’t let up” part of our DNA that knows not to quit no matter how tough things get. It’s very strange, but I agree with them. On days it felt like throwing in the towel was the only option, something within me just wouldn’t let up. Truth be told, no matter how low my hope or faith gets, I don’t believe I have ever gone below the faith of a mustard seed. I’m so glad Jesus used that as an illustration because some days that’s all I’ve got, and He said, that’s all I need. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. And so as I reframe the picture of my cycle of defeat, I would like to encourage you to do the same. It’s not defeat, it’s hope that won’t let up no matter how low it gets. Hope would rather keep us in a cycle of going back to the Father and telling Him how low we are than bring us to a complete stop. Hope. This isn’t the first time I have shared my up-again-down-again relationship with hope and I know it won’t be the last. My prayer is that as I hold on to Jesus in this cycle, the spaces between the highs and the lows grow a little longer each time. Our stubborn grip of hope keeps us submitted to the leadership of our Father.

Endurance

Our Father isn’t blind to the circumstances of our lives. He sees the experiences that opened us up to negative narratives and He is using life’s trials to work in us and break those things off. Do you trust His leadership? Do you trust that when potholes present themselves in your road of life and God tells you to go straight through them, that He knows best? Do you trust that He is using each twist and turn the enemy throws your way to reveal parts of yourself that would otherwise remain hidden or immature? Do you trust that sometimes what feels like betrayal is God being a good Father? He uses all things and works all things together for our good. All things include tough things, crappy things, unfair things, difficult things, and heartbreaking things. He never allows us to go through those things of life for mahala (translated as nothing). He makes sure that when everything tallies up, it lands in our favour. Circumstances that require our endurance are allowed by our Father to reveal to us that He is our power and that in Him, we are more powerful than we thought we were. The circumstances may have been brought on to break us, but God will use them to reveal who we are in Him. Endure my friend. Endure and let Him continue to lead you because it is not by power, nor by might, but by the Spirit of our living God that we can continue to place one foot in front of the other.

Open eyes

God wants to see us thrive and become all He intended for us to be. His heart desires to create an environment for our spirits to thrive. In this, our perspective in life is everything. No matter what it is, victory belongs to Jesus. It’s never as bad or as difficult as it looks, it’s just a matter of perspective. With our eyes open to see things from God’s perspective, peace is available in every situation. With open eyes, what is within us rises to see that there is more power available to us and we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. With open eyes, we can lean into God’s leadership and allow whatever circumstance it may be, good or bad, to train us into the fullest version of ourselves.

When we look through scripture, we see that life is littered with trials and tribulations. All our biblical heroes had trials and the reason we look up to them for the different things they accomplished for the kingdom is because those situations, difficult as they were, were used by God to reveal the truest versions of them. What I love most about my heroes, biblical or in my life today, is that God uses everything in their lives. Their mistakes, their doubts, their highs and their lows. It’s for this reason that I am not afraid to share whatever God places on my heart. It’s His story and for as long as He is the one leading I know He will get the glory. So, be still dear friend, don’t lose hope, endure by the strength of the Lord and ask Him to open your eyes to see what He is doing amid trouble. My prayer is that as you do these things, God will show you, over and over again, that He can be trusted.