Unlocking You

I grew up hearing my mum recount stories about my infant and toddler years, over and over again. Many of them are tenderly burned into my memory. One such story is about the supposed delay in my speech. I say supposed because this assessment was relative and, in hindsight, inaccurate. You see, I am one of four cousins born in consecutive months, so as such, our mothers would share developmental stories and make purposeful efforts to get us all together often. During such interactions, my cousins would boldly, and oftentimes loudly, flex their infant skill muscles. Me? Not so much. While they freely exhibited their speech-like babbling, I preferred to play almost silently. My mother, being accustomed to my quiet demeanour, was happy to simply watch my observant exploration of the world around me. Yet when placed in the presence of my cousins, my silence seemed odd to the other adults. So much so that many of them lovingly showed their concern by asking my mother if I was always that way and if I was all right. Every time my mum tells this story, she shares how each time she would be asked, her response was a confident, “No, she is fine.” Was I fine though? Only time would tell, and it did.

While my cousins relished the attention their experimentation with different sounds afforded them, I supposedly one-upped all of them when I decided to finally start speaking. My mother’s words, not mine. Instead of trying to string words together with open-ended sounds, I used more complete-sounding words and phrases. To this, many of my aunts were amused, some of them saying that it was as though I had been silently recording all the speech that had been taking place around me, preparing for my more properly thought-out delivery.

In a recent conversation with my husband Ceaser, we were listing down some traits we see in our children and I shared how I find it difficult to trace back my personality traits. In the middle of our conversation this story, Mum often told, came to mind. My assessment was not entirely true and if Mum’s story is anything to go by, some elements of my nature were there even from birth. Ceaser summed it up as my being careful and observant. How interesting is that? How much more interesting that even at that age, what could be seen as simply a clue was not at all fully representative of the many layers that would one day be me? What we see on the surface isn’t all there is and it’s certainly not all there will ever be.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” ~ Jeremiah 1:5 (NLT)

“My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” ~ Psalm 139:15-16 (ESV)

Within each of us lies an exceptional potential, waiting to be unlocked. It is the person we were destined to become, the you God intended you to be. This journey of self-discovery and personal growth is not just about reaching goals; it’s about aligning ourselves with the truest version of ourselves and fulfilling our divine destiny. If there is anything we must strive to get, it must be to get to that highest version of ourselves. Why? Because only that rendition of us has the capacity to get to the finish line of our purpose. What manner of high stakes are these?

Strange I know, but give me a moment to explain my thought process a little further. A few years ago, in a time of prayer, I was debating with the Lord about following through on something He has asked me to do. This particular task required me to step outside of myself and everything I knew to be true about who I was. The verse in Jeremiah came up, along with Psalm 139:15-16. I remember the Lord asking me who had told me I was reserved or that I was shy. My response was, “Erm life!” He gently asked me if Life or any of the people who had put the label “reserved” on me had been there in the secret place. Of course, they had not. My response being no, He went on to say something that I will never forget. He said, “I will introduce you to the you that you truly are, the you that I created in that secret place, the you that I take great pleasure in, the one you have not even met yet.” I remember beginning to laugh. I kid you not. At first, it was a very nervous laugh, but then it turned into a laugh of joy and expectation. With that, I gave my yes and soon began to walk in obedience to what God had asked me to do with peace and conviction that He who knew me and saw me in the secret place, knew what He was doing.

I am still being introduced to that version of myself, the highest and truest version of myself. And I wish to challenge you to allow the Holy Spirit to help you unlock that version of you. I have three ways that God continues to use to get me to evolve into who He created me to be, perhaps they can get you started on your journey.

Make room for your uniqueness

Listen, no matter how I try to walk on the edge of my comfort zone in obedience to whom God has called me to be, I will always be an introvert. For so long I had always associated my introversion with being timid and shy. Now I see very clearly that I can be one without the other, and in fact, I am. I found freedom in this little nugget of my identity when I heard someone say that the simplest way to define introvert or extrovert is to say how they refuel their soul. Introverts refuel their souls in solitude and need alone time to recharge after exerting energy outward, while extroverts refuel their souls in the company of others, recharging themselves from the energy of others. I could certainly relate and since then I have chosen to filter my marching orders through that perspective. Now, instead of taking days to debate with God I simply say, ‘I’ll do this Lord, I’m just going to need a long nap or a few days off afterwards.”

I say all this to say that we are all unique and to simply place ourselves in one box or another does a huge disservice to the diverse intricacies with which God designed each of us. God has gifted each of us with distinctive talents, passions, and qualities. Instead of comparing yourself to others, celebrate your individuality and use it as a foundation for growth. Stop placing yourself in boxes. Within those four corners, there is no room for all the layers that make up who you are. Kick down the walls and allow God to show you all the wonders that make you wonderfully you.

Practice self-reflection

I think it is a given that I can often be quite observant and self-reflective. Whether or not this is a practice that comes naturally to you, I encourage you to make it a habit. Self-reflection gives us the invaluable gift of self-awareness. How I wish everyone had tapped into this gift. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I do hope, though, that you will make this a gift you live with daily. There is nothing more off-putting than an adult who is completely unaware of their proclivities and shortcomings. Hey! We all have them, so better to be aware and live within those margins of expectation both for yourself and others. For me, self-awareness has given me depth in my conversations with God and others. It has allowed me to stretch myself past my excuses and patterns. This isn’t the easiest thing to do honestly. Our patterns often become our ways of life and to abandon them can feel like we are being left out in the cold defenceless. In that defenceless space is where the grace and mercy of God become real. When we can honestly admit that we have shielded ourselves with negative patterns and excuses, we allow God to come in and clothe us with His righteousness and His ways. We can adjust beyond what we have always known and even take the necessary steps of repentance and forgiveness.

Anticipate and embrace change

I am a creature of habit and routine and I dislike change, more than the average person, I venture to say. What I have seen, as I have undertaken this journey of discovering myself, is that God will use change to shake me up. He will often lead me towards the most outrageous things and use my discomfort, need for control, caution and frustration, to peel back another layer. As the new layer lays bare and tender to the touch, He reminds me that if I can simply lean into the changes of His hand, the bruising wouldn’t be this bad. What we have heard said to us or about us, coupled with our life experiences, can make us rigid under the moulding hands of God. As He moulds and reshapes, it will sometimes feel like He is out to break us, yet this couldn’t be further away from the truth. The truth is that He knows you. His guiding eye can see all the places you are out of shape because you were placed into a mould or because someone rammed into us along your way. The truth is that He loves you. He loves you too much to leave you with those cracks and dents. The truth is that change hurts. He knows that when He reshapes it will hurt, but if you continue to go back to Him, He will place His gentle hand and healing salve on that spot until it is completely restored. Anticipating change is understanding and submitting to God’s reshaping hand. Embracing change is staying teachable, mouldable and yielding when He pushes and turns us towards His perfect will.

On this journey of unlocking you, it will sometimes feel like God is asking you to contradict who you are. When we look carefully for such evolution stories in Scripture, we can see that God is unchanging to His pattern of calling His beloved to higher versions of themselves. Why would you and I be any different? As you walk this path, know that you are not alone. You hold the key to you, as you turn that key in the direction God guides you, make room for your uniqueness, practice self-reflection and embrace the change that God will use to shake you out of your comfort zone. I am fully convinced that as you do, you will enjoy the ride of your life, a ride full of re-introductions to you.