L.E.A.N on God – Expectations

Expectations… If you have been in any relationship for any length of time you have probably used this word. For some, hearing the phrase, “Let’s discuss the expectations,” is triggering, while for others it’s liberating. For me, it depends on the situation, the person speaking and how I woke up that morning. Learning to communicate my expectations and wholeheartedly listening to the expectations of others, is something that I am constantly having to work on. I can attest, though, that when I do, it reduces drama and brings peace to my interactions. If you are anything like me then you have experienced instances where you forget that your relationship with God is actually that, a relationship, and like other relationships, continual communication of expectations is necessary for the relationship to thrive.

While God has given us His written Word which articulates His expectations for all His children, as we spend time in His presence, getting better at hearing His voice, He will share the personalised expectations He has for each of us. For some of us, that part is all right. We’re okay with it and have made peace with the fact that we will continue to seek God’s grace to obey the things He asks of us, but remember, a healthy relationship requires communication of expectations to flow from both parties. That’s the part that makes us shift uncomfortably in our seats. That’s the part that gives us trouble because we find it difficult to openly and honestly communicate our expectations with God. Is doing that even legal? Yes, it is. If anything, God expects us to have confident expectations in Him… See what I did there.

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.” ~ Psalm 62:5

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 9:11

“But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” ~ James 1:6-7

These verses from the Bible are a clear indicator that having expectations from God is a natural response to us having an intimate relationship with our Father. Having expectations and sharing these expectations with God is a healthy thing. The level at which we can freely share our heart with God can oftentimes be used as a gauge by which to measure how much we trust Him. In my personal experience, what keeps me from keeping it all the way real with God about my expectations of Him, can be traced back to the notion that we are supposed to present ourselves a particular way before God or tell Him only what we assume He wants to hear. As children, we were experts in telling our parents or teachers what we thought they wanted to hear. We apologised before we could even understand what we did wrong because we thought that was what would make us look good or make up for what we had done wrong. We sometimes take that to our Heavenly Father’s feet, committed to keeping our true selves below the surface and presenting what we believe to be the best version of ourselves to Him. What we forget is that God already knows. He knows the deepest corners of our thoughts and if we ask Him, He can tell us what we are truly thinking and feeling because most of the time, we don’t have a clue ourselves.

“But I, the LORD, search all hearts and examine secret motives. I give all people their due rewards, according to what their actions deserve.” ~ Jeremiah 17:10

Our Heavenly Father can handle us pulling back the curtain and showing Him our bare, unedited expectations. Showing them to Him is the only way we can put them on Him and make peace with whether we will trust Him to meet them, based on His Word, or help us let them go because they oppose who He has called us to be in Him. Having this kind of vulnerability, even with God who already knows all things, takes practice. And if part of leaning on God requires that we place our expectations on Him, it is something we will need to learn to do.

The first step is building our expectations on God’s Word and His track record. In our everyday interactions, we know not to safely expect anything from people who did not indicate that they would meet that expectation in some way. Neither do we expect anything from people who we do not have a good track record with. In the same way, our expectations of God should be based primarily on what He has promised in His Word. These expectations are then further solidified based on the track record God has with us personally.

Telling God the truth is another step. God can handle the truth. When we say it to Him, we are doing it for our benefit more than His. Being Honest with God in prayer is one of the ways God shows us our hearts. Saying what we truly feel out loud to Him reveals where we are and allows us to properly apply God’s Word to help build our faith. When we deny what we truly feel, we not only rob ourselves of the opportunity to draw closer to our Father, but we also stunt our spiritual growth.

Another key aspect of telling God the truth is sharing disappointments created by unmet expectations. We have all heard it said that when God closes a door it’s because He is trying to protect us or has something better just around the corner. That sounds wonderful until we’re the ones kneeling in front of a door held closed by the hand of God, trying to claw our way through and failing to understand why He would do that to us when His Word clearly promised. Coming back to the table to express the hurt and disappointment can be a feat, especially in our African cultural context where we are taught not to question or speak out to our elders. Now, never mind the elders, we’re talking about God here. How do we express disappointment that the Creator of the universe didn’t do what we expected Him to? We do that by putting our disappointments on Him and asking Him our questions without questioning His character. Yes, it is possible to share how much it hurts, to go back to scripture and ask God to help us reconcile why things happened as they did while refraining from questioning who He is. Just because He kept the door closed, doesn’t mean He stopped loving you, stopped being sovereign or stopped working on our behalf. Letting this truth wash over us will make it easier for us to repent when we have spoken out of turn or even used the wrong tone during our honest expressions with God. Not only is He gracious enough to forgive us, but He is also able to put things into perspective for us in a way that will enable us to trust Him again.

I hope this challenges you to put your expectations on God as you learn to lean on Him more in your daily life. I pray that as you continue to cultivate your relationship with God, you will not only learn to hear His voice more clearly but you will also learn to share your heart with Him more openly.