Building Your Circle – Who Is In Your Cabinet?

What comes to mind when you hear the word cabinet? For me it’s the utensil-holding, drawer-adorned piece of household furniture, yes, but also, that group of important people in government who advise the President and make important decisions. The last time I checked, I was not the president and those who know me well know that I am terrible when it comes to news and current affairs, so the second definition of the word cabinet was rarely ever used in my vocabulary. This has recently changed, at least in my internal vocabulary. Sometime last year, I came across a YouTube video of a conversation between Oprah Winfrey and Brene Brown and I heard the word “cabinet” used in a very different and personal way. Look, I know Oprah is in a league of her own, but her advice that each of us ‘should have a cabinet,’ stuck with me and it is what I would like to explore with you today.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” ~ Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Isolation is easy and sometimes convenient. Even for the most outgoing of personalities, forming deep and meaningful relationships can often feel like a drag of hard work which is then rewarded by disappointment and emotional fatigue. Sadly, the reality is that in trying to build our cabinet, there will be some disappointment, even from people whom God has handpicked to be in our cabinet. But the truth remains, we were not designed to go through life alone and when we get comfortable doing so, we are not operating in God’s perfect will for our lives.

God cares about who our friends are. Friends are God’s gift to us to advance His purpose in our lives. One thing I always pray over my children is that God blesses them with long life and good friends. I don’t think just living long will help any of us accomplish everything that God has for us. It must be coupled with having good companions along our journey who will help propel us into the purposes of God and strengthen us when we grow weary or discouraged. While many other things are important and need to be provided for by God, I believe that these two things serve as a great foundation for God to be able to manoeuvre His will into action in all areas of our lives.

Now the LORD God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper, one who balances him—a counterpart who is suitable and complementary for him.” ~ Genesis 2:18

I have only ever heard this scripture used when talking about man and wife. While I completely believe that as we look for our life partners, we should ask God to match us with ones who are suitable and complementary, I don’t think God’s heart, expressed here, is limited only to the marriage relationship. Just to be clear, our cabinets should not be made up of strangers but friends. These friends are meant to be everything God is talking about here in Genesis. If you don’t have anyone in your cabinet, I encourage you to ask God for help as you assemble one that fits the bill He is describing. If you already have close friends, evaluate your relationships under this lens and see if they are working with God to advance His purposes in your life.

Do they balance you? A definition of balance I found is, ‘an even distribution which enables someone or something to remain upright and steady.’ Do the friends in your life bring balance, keeping you walking upright and steady? Do their personalities balance yours? For example, if you are a very chatty person, do you only have other very chatty friends? Balance here would require that someone in your friend group not be as talkative but more of a good listener. Having such a friend will challenge you to think before you speak and attempt to listen as much as you talk. Another aspect of balance in your friendships is a situation where each person in the relationship is of equal strength or importance. I’ll pick on the outgoing personality again and ask, do your more quiet friends feel as important in the relationship? If they do, do they have the quiet strength required to tell you the truth when you mess up? Balance.

Are they suitable for you? Suitable means right or appropriate for a particular person, purpose, or situation. I thought this definition hits right on the head of what God was eluding to when He spoke in Genesis. Your friends need to be appropriate for you as a person, which goes back to the balance we just talked about, but also, are your friends appropriate for your purpose? I shared on purpose recently and defined it as being the reason for which you were created and the reason for which you exist as you and no one else. This purpose is to partner with God to achieve His dreams and not just your own. So, are your friends right for your purpose? Are they adding value to your purpose and cheering you on as you obey God? Lastly, under suitable, are your friends right for your current situation? Seasons in life change, that is how God designed it to be. A friend whom God brought into your life while you were on campus, may not be appropriate for your current fatherhood season. A friend whom God brought into your life as you worked diligently for the same company, may not be right for your next season of entrepreneurship and self-employment. Understand that people in your cabinet can change over the years and through your different seasons of life. This is why I don’t believe in the phrase “best friend for life.” Other than your spouse, I don’t think there are always going to be the same people being close to you all through your life. Some will come in and out as God orchestrates and that’s ok.

Do they complement you? Do your closest friends enhance and emphasise your good qualities? Do they bring out the best in you? In a recent conversation I was having with the Holy Spirit, He was telling me that He is bringing me into a season of self-discovery and that what I think I know about myself, is only just the surface of who He created me to be when He was forming me in my mother’s womb. I had questions and one of His answers to my questions was, “Look at how you behave when you are with your closest friends, that is more of the real you.” Since then, I have been paying more attention to how I carry myself when I am with my closest friends and I can see what God is trying to show me. My point is, right now, when you evaluate your closest relationships, can God use your time with them to mine out and cultivate the best of you?

How we build the circle of people around us is important to God so I encourage you to partner with Him as you take inventory of who is in your cabinet. You’ll be surprised just how involved God wants to be in the process, and as you submit this area of your life to Him, watch Him do wonders.